:: BïtS 'N' PiëCÉS ::

:: final announcement ::

2005-10-18T21:41:00.000+08:00

:: F I N A L A N N O U N C E M E N T ::

i'm a traitor and a deserter, and i'm switching over to BLOGSOME.

Here's my NEW blog -> http://florecitos.blogsome.com.

meanies

2005-10-14T23:15:00.000+08:00

Chronicles of a Medical Mad House: You Guys are Even Meaner, I Love It

heh heh... talking about being evil... even EW's not that far gone...
yet.

newsflash

2005-10-14T15:31:00.000+08:00

Today, all the doomed M4 students in O&G trudged out of the exam venue with varying degrees of peripheral pins and needles due to the Siberian winds they'd just been subjected to... it was noted that a significant few appeared to be brain dead as well, possibly due to a severe lack of sleep the night before.

According to the few students whose mental capacities were less annihilated by the paper, this year's questions were the toughest in the past 10 years. with the exception of the question below, found in the paper of 198x:

Write short notes on the practical value of molecular genetics in clinical
gynaecology under three of the following headings.
a) trinucleotide repeats
b) screening for genetic mutations
c) etiology of cervical cancer
d)
synthetic hormones

Another student remarked, "you know, i only slept 3 hours last nite! and i studied everything in gynae except infertility!" it was noted that an exceptionally tough question on primary infertility had been set, most students believe it was the good work of a prof W. It also focusses our attention to the fact that the students are expected to know everything.

"i thought the essays were a bit difficult." remarked one of the doctors famous for failing students in the clinical exam. this further substantiates the evidence that the paper was indeed arduous.

An attempt was made to solicit the opinions of other students, but it was found that despite their frozen extremities and apparent spaced-out expressions, they had not lost the ability to expertly navigate home, most likely to face another gruelling day of preparing themselves for the herculean task they would face tomorrow - the obstetrics clinical examination.

We wish them all the best!

:: i cannot stop blogging ::

2005-10-09T22:55:00.000+08:00

sheesh. i know i'm not supposed to be blogging. but fingers very 'itchy'... ... ...
maybe i caught the 'wenky' bug. hmm...

first things first... here's another med blog: The World As I Know It.

next up, i'm delighted dear hypoC FINALLY updated his blog, thanks for the link, and due to extreme boredom and trying to find an escape route from the grasping fingers of the neonate, i did the quiz too!

here's the results:

What Animal Are You In Bed?

You are an Owl!

Reserved and thoughtful, you choose your partners carefully and with caution. You are respected by your partners and are not easily taken advantage of. You are charming and romantic but it takes courage for you to open up to someone sexually. Once you do open up you are an attentive lover and pleasing your partner is more important to you than personal gratification.

why doesn't this surprise me... hoot!

Take the Quiz!

:: i am so happy today - guess y? ::

2005-10-09T14:02:00.000+08:00

:: i am so happy today - guess y? ::

heheheh. the titles says it all!

Chronicles of a Medical Mad House: Don't Say I Didn't Help

2005-10-05T17:40:00.000+08:00

Chronicles of a Medical Mad House: Don't Say I Didn't Help

heh. read this... it's oh so farnee...

:: announcement ::

2005-10-03T19:14:00.000+08:00

:: announcement ::

Due to the O&G exams, the blogger will be away till 15th October. Meanwhile, keep your suggestions coming, I shall decide what to do with my blog after the exams.

C ya and wish me luck! :D

:: oh please! ::

2005-10-02T21:37:00.000+08:00

dr og has shut down his blog. sob. there goes another talented, witty, deeply insightful soul... how many others are they going to 'clamp' down upon? until we get a population akin to the one in 'brave new world' (aldous huxley)? something as in 'Gattaca'? a population like that described by Ayn Rand in her books?

great, doctors can't blog about things that happen in the hospitals even if the patients' identity and other facts are kept confidential... then, shouldn't it also be that the 100 thousand other blogs by workers on their co-workers, jobs... or by students about their lessons and teachers should not be allowed too?

i'm befuddled what the-powers-that-be want to achieve... i somehow think they're puzzled too. suddenly caught off guard by this newfound freedom of speech in the virtual world that's just spreading like wildfire... or maybe an epidemic. heh.

oh please, YLL, spare us the misery and just come out with a set of blogging guidelines will ya? at least then we know what to blog and what not to blog. or at least, we'll then be able to work our way around the loopholes of your guidelines.. heh.

or maybe... a license to blog should be issued? ah, that's something else you could charge us for?

so right now... i think i've come to the crossroads.... got 4 paths:
1. continue with my blog, like playing with fire
2. start a password protected blog (but experience has shown that pple can break yr code, or friends can betray u)
3. start a semi-private blog where only self-absorbed entries and daydreams can be read by the public while the real content is private (like that then blog for what rite?)
4. put this matter on hold, go study for O&G first!

i choose option 4.... you all cannot choose that ah!

hey pple, suggestions on what is the best way out of this fix?

:: a moral responsibility ::

2005-10-01T23:34:00.000+08:00

:: a moral responsibility ::

a patient came in third trimester with a blood pressure of 145/96 (which in a pregnant woman is considered moderately high... and at risk of developing eclampsia ie. fits)

doc: your bp is a bit on the high side, i would advise you to get hospitalised, so we can monitor your condition and do more tests for you...
pt: but doc, i feel ok wat. dun need to stay hospital la, so troublesome...
doc: can you see clearly? any stomach ache recently? headache?
pt: no... i'm ok la doc. no need any more tests...
doc: ok... i understand you dun want to stay in the hospital... it's ok, you can come for more frequent checkups, but today, i would like to do some blood tests for you.
pt: but i already did the blood tests that time...
doc: that was quite some time back, and your pressure not high then.
pt: hmmm.... ok, must do ah?
doc: the blood tests are optional, but i'd advise you to do, because now your blood pressure is high and we're worried...
pt: oh ok.... if u say so...
pt's husband: what, doctor, must do more blood tests? thought that time do liao? do somemore for what lah? waste money only!
doc: mr xyz, as i told your wife here, it's optional, but i advise you to do, because her BP is a bit on the high side, so we want to check. the last time you did was quite some time back, things can change...
pt's husband: hmmm... don't want to do lah! waste money only!

and with that they left... i couldn't help wondering, would it have made a difference if the doctor put in more effort to persuade them? at least if it were me, i would have explained to them what the danger of high bp during pregnancy was... ie. get fits, risk of affecting baby, and risk to the mother. that it is something serious and not to be underestimated. i would have prescribed some medication (if not already done) and advised her to come for 2-weekly(?) checkups until she is term (if she is very against hospitalisation), as well as counsel her for bed rest and reduce physical activity. oh and warn her to get herself to the hospital immediately should she get stomach pain, blurred vision, headache... here, i believe that the reason why they did not wish blood tests to be done was due o the cost. i suppose, we could get them some financial help somewhere?

on the other hand, i'm not sure if the doc had his own reasons for not trying to encourage them more to do the blood tests... or he simply got too tired of facing such situations that he just gave up. sob. v sad. i hope i won't lose the passion to help people in the future. despite how many situations i face where in spite of my gdwill, i'm unable to do anything to change the outcome.

but right now, i think i shall need to fulfil my moral responsibility towards my parents: mug mug for OG exam! dun waste my school fees!

PS: is everyone else's blogspot 'create a post' page weird? with all the icons malaligned?

:: the facts are the facts ::

2005-09-30T23:00:00.000+08:00

:: the facts are the facts ::

1pm: i'll meet you at the back of the delivery suite at 5pm.

... ... ... ...

5pm: 4 students awaiting....

and awaiting...

and awaiting...

525pm: E goes to call him
the singtel mobile customer is not available.

540pm: Me goes to call him.
the singtel mobile customer is not available.
then i paged for him.
no reply.
then i called his office.
no one picked up the phone...

545pm: wait somemore...
E goes to delivery suite main counter to chk if we'd gotten the correct pager no.
he pages from the main counter's phone...
barely a minute later...

hello...
hello... dr xyz? i'm e..... we're waiting in the delivery suite....
oh, i forgot!

and so... he came at 559, and he had the nerve to say: oh i'm 59min late!

one hour tutorial on obstetric history taking (which we did last week) and gynaecological history-taking (basically, it's any format we want as long as the information is there)

7pm: tutorial ends. he rushes off.

the facts are all here... you all can judge for yourself, how i spent my evening in the hospital.

:: awww... ::

2005-09-28T19:54:00.000+08:00

:: awww... ::

aww... so heart-warming! the gal my mum used to take care of came to visit... she was 3yo when she went to childcare... and now she's 6! how these kids grow! and she came running to me and hugged me! waaa... so gan3 dong4! next yr P1 already! welcome to the world of stress, teacher-phobia and exams! woohoo!

haiz... but who'd have though that such a lovely, intelligent gal could have NF I...

:: blogging woes ::

2005-09-28T16:51:00.000+08:00

:: blogging woes ::

in this country where notices have to be put to tell pple they would be fined $500 for littering, or for eating on public transport... or where gum used to be banned and laws against high-rise litter have been made, i'm in no way surprised that bloggers are being subjected to internet surveillance and that legal action is being taken against some.

frankly speaking, i think a lot of all these laws are tosh. singapore on the whole seems to be made up of adults who've never grown up. (hah, and they expect us to reproduce, when our maturity equals that of a kid) what i can't get is, why do singaporeans have to be threatened, cajoled and even beaten (caning) in order to get them to do the right things? aren't we human? aren't we supposed to have a BRAIN?

perhaps we don't, afterall, the the gov's been holding our hands step by step through life - CPF, medisave, medishield, eldershield... all kinds of policies designed to take care of us, to the extent of moulding our opinions.

i'm not saying that what the government is doing is bad, in fact, without it, we might not have progressed that rapidly, ya? what i feel is that singapore has reached a certain maturity in terms of economic stability and governance... note how they're promoting culture these days? we definitely need to develop more in terms of culture, societal aspects, harmony and all that. but all these CANNOT be enforced by laws or achieved by threats, it's only through giving the people more freedom that we achieve this.

recently, there's so much talk about being responsible in what we're blogging about. this i fully agree with. but what i cannot fathom is why people in positions of power have to come down so hard upon feckless, feather-brained, filled-with-angst adolescents, who just treat the whole world as their enemy. heh. it's really a comical situation. it's overkill. i don't see how suspending students is a fair punishment for writing certain defamatory comments about the school or the teacher. afterall, they're in school to receive an education, and they should be appropriately educated about the responsibilities of blogging instead of being shut off at home, sulking and rebellious, and eventually returning to school nursing grudges. mission to educate accomplished? i doubt so. in fact, it sounds more like petty revenge on the part of the school/teacher.

i'm pretty sure NUS or perhaps the fac would soon be monitoring our blogs (if they haven't already been doing so), it makes me wonder whether i should start an anonymous kind of blog, like what many others have done. i'm sure if there're no proper guidelines and proper 'punishment' for pple who make defamatory comments online, they'll soon be nothing on the net, but faceless people making defamatory comments. mission to educate sgreans to blog with responsbility accomplished? i doubt so.

:: theoretisising love ::

2005-09-27T14:37:00.000+08:00

:: 'theoretisising' love ::

as if loveclinic - the book by 3 medical students who probably spend more time shopping for medicaltextbooks than dating, wasn't enough, here we have Dr Og's version of loveclinic - in the hospital aka cross breeding.

heh heh heh...

:: i wanna be a guy ::

2005-09-25T00:22:00.000+08:00

:: i wanna be a guy ::

CORRECTION: sometimes i wanna be a guy... cuz then... i can...

1. swear all i want and no one will say that i have a dirty mouth
2. punch my other guy friends and ppl won't say i'm rough (they'll then admire my biceps :D)
3. go zui the gal i like... being a gal, i cannot go zui the guy i like too obviously or pple will say i'm BHB or worse, a desperate man-eater
4. join NS and fight for the country (yeaaa rite!)
5. understand why some guys don't bathe in the mornings... euw
6. shop amongst several pairs of shoes / racks of underwear / shirts / trousers... for hours but end up having something similar to all the rest of my clothes (where is the diversity in guys' clothes...)
7. perhaps i'll come up with a new line for guys' underwear. currently, i think those available in the market are soooo well... um... practical
8. must come up with something equivalent to heels for women ie. it must be sexy, dangerous yet unhealthy to some body part... hmmm... ah... i think i know what liao, but as a girl i cannot write it here! acks
9. PR all the cheekopeks who come into the clinic hoping to see a female doc in there (cheap thrill for them)
10. inspect all the gigantic hernias on young NS men who are apparently shy (ya like real) to let a female medical student see their pathetic and often very ugly groin area... (sigh, to all those idiots who ask me if i ever feel embarrassed looking at the male penis.... u ask yrself: if u see a loaf of bread every other day, would you feel like you still want to eat bread?)
11. wake up, run my fingers through my hair and set out for school rightaway!
12. mess up my room and not have my mum nag: you're a gal leh, how can you be so messy? next time how are you going to keep house?
13. mess up my room, and have my gf pack it up for me instead (nice... )
14. be the one proposing! (i think it's cooler to propose than be proposed to... cuz u get to pick the ring and everything... and plan special surprises of sorts... but er... if u ask me, as a gal to propose to a guy... well that guy gotta be damn special for me to do that!)
15. be a male chauvinist pig (i always wonder how it is like to be one of them MCPs)
16. blame it on the angmohs and SPGs if i don't get a gf. hia hia hia...
17. get into fights with people!
18. stop having pple asking me why i don't feel faint when i see blood... why i like to read such horrible books (on serial killers, horror, macabre and forensics...) and why i enjoy assisting in operations, the more gory the better...
19. learn how to gossip so much and yet appear like i don't gossip at all
20. solve problems with fellow frds much easier... the thing abt most guys is that they don't seem to carry grudges tt often. just a flare and an apology and it's all history! i like that!

oh, but i'll miss the make up.

:: a common fate ::

2005-09-24T12:12:00.000+08:00

:: a common fate ::

docile, smiling and looking extremely benign, was a frail old lady smiling and nodding away from her bed, seemingly beckoning me towards her. this is quite the common site in any ward (though they might not all be smiling... and lots of them are just sleeping)...

anyway, i'm sure you've all thought about or imagined being old, alone, feeling 'useless' and suffering a loss of dignity... as well as facing death from cancer, in your old age. but nothing beats actually hearing from someone tell you about it... from a first person's perspective.

~ ~ ~

(translated from mandarin)
one cannot be too stubborn, i'm already 80+ years old, i want to leave this world as soon as Buddha allows me to. i know i shouldn't be thinking about dying, and i cannot commit suicide by not eating, so even if i dun feel like eating at all, i will also force myself to eat, one spoon, two spoonfuls... whatever i can. but i'm very tired already, and i feel very useless. i can't do anything for the people around me...

i'm single, took care of all my siblings children.... 4 from... another 2 from... 3 there and 8... then i took in a girl that another family in my kampung didn't want. so now i live with them. my daughter is already 60+ and she whole day goes out with the maid and leaves me at home. no key, i can't even go out or open the door for anyone.

haiz, i wish i can die quickly, i'm so tired and this world does not welcome me any more...

girl ah, when you have time come an visit me more often before i leave this hospital? actually i don't want to go home... i get into their way, and disturb the family...

when one is old, one is really useless and at everyone else's mercy. at home, the maid won't even pour me a cup of water, i have to walk slowly to get it... and i know i have to walk carefully because if i fall i will break my bones and cause more problems for them. but... i don't want to use tongkat! no tongkat!

that day, they asked me to drink 3 big cups of water for the scan, and then i had to wait so long, i felt like bursting... then i told them i needed to go to the toilet, the nurse said ok but left me in the room alone for so long, i couldn't hold back already, so i wet the bed. then they scolded me. haiz... how? you see i can't even take care of myself.

~ ~ ~

it's one thing to know that such things happen and that they are so common, but it's another thing to hear it from the first person's perspective, and worse, to know that it's so true, and such a common unescapable fate. even as i tried to persuade the old woman or to comfort her, both she and i know that all i'm saying are just empty, meaningless words of comfort... there's really nothing anyone can do to help.

:: sleep duty ::

2005-09-21T20:02:00.000+08:00

:: sleep duty ::

and so it goes:

~ ~ ~

us: hi, dr xyz, actually we're the yr 4 students on night duty today, we were thinking we should report to you.
MO: oh (surprised), oh. (resigned... why u have to do night duty today? i want to watch my 'axis of truth' and 'chien lung dynasty' dramas...) i see....
both: (awkward pause)
MO: er, actually i'm trying to conserve my voice... (ha! she knew we were abt to bug for tutorials!) i can teach after oct 3... but right now... you guys finished your deliveries right? maybe you can study now more, since kk is more of practical work... and go to clinics and if you have any queries can ask us. i'm actually praying for a quiet night, so i hope you guys aren't praying otherwise!
us: ... (but she is actually very nice la...)

~ ~ ~

when the 830pm ward round did not happen... (anyway, no sense conducting a ward round in a ghost town rite? only one deluxe rm occupied and the husband in that rm can take gd care of the wife anyway... heh)
ew: hi dr... (i'd like to call him the snicker-er) we're the yr 4 ... ... ... we should report to you.
him: oh, actually you all can do anything you want, i don't really care what you do.

~ ~ ~

at this point of time, with nothing better to do, we decided to roam the hospital. actually it was starting to thunder and rain, and i really wanted to check out hidden places in the hospital or um... that supposedly haunted path to KRW? but EW prob thinks i'm odd, evil and wuliao. haha... took ourselves to the peaceful wards where we met a HO who was aghast at the fact that we intended to spend our night sleeping. hehe...

note to all: 7eleven is 24/7, not from 7am to 11pm. (unlike cheers @ AH: it's very important to stock up food at AH while on nite duty. there's NOOO food to be found anywhere...)

note to all: the dry rations in the delivery suite are kept under lock and key. do not think of raiding the fridge, they've only got weird stuff like bottles of sauce and peanut butter in there... if you're nice, at about 11+, 12 midnight, the midwives might offer you their own microwaved yam or sweet potatoes.

~ ~ ~

IMPORTANT:
midwife said that the spot-checker will enter via the back door, ie. next to the beds you guys will be sleeping. if there's nothing happening in the ward, then u'll safe while you sleep... or else... hehehe... evidently they dun like him intruding into their ghost town too.

~ ~ ~

ard 1150pm, mrs doc delivered!
ard 2+am, we were aroused by a woman screaming blue murder. her tortured screams did nothing to help her evict the source of her pain... after 2 agonising hours, she finally stopped screaming. (i suppose the babe came out)

note to future mothers: pls keep yr mouth SHUT and PUSH... or ur baby won't budge an inch!

~ ~ ~

there was a lot of padding around the place we were sleeping. maybe it was EW trying to strap a CTG on me or something. pad pad pad... almost half the night, but well, i think if i want to sleep nobody and nothing can stop me lor.
from 4+ am to 6am, someone or something knocked pretty hard into my bed... causing it to really tremble... and vibrate, waking me up from a nice dream where i was in a mall (i'm so pathetically deprived of shopping i now dream about it), that was collapsing due to an earthquake! so exciting! oh EW, i forgot to tell u, u were in my dream too! but u poofed real quick when the quake came... abandoned me manz... :P

~ ~ ~

at about 645am, two very awake, very refreshed, very CLEAN (we're proud to say we bathed TWICE each) students turned up for breakfast and QnA looking like very diligent students who'd spent the whole night delivering/clerking/monitoring patients... when actually all we did was sleep duty...

:: self reflection required ::

2005-09-20T14:46:00.000+08:00

:: self reflection required ::

over the weekends, i watched hong2yi1shou3ji4, a drama about the lives of nursing students in this hospital in hk. one of the scenes hit me really hard...

a young woman had just been warded for acute renal failure, from an autoimmune cause and has to undergo renal dialysis thrice daily...

enter consultant with many pple in white coats (i swear, they look exactly like US! only they have long sleeves)...

consultant: hello ms, these are my students, i hope you don't mind that we discuss your condition?

patient: ok...

consultant: students, this is a young woman who presents with acute renal failure... produced autoantibodies.... rare case... in the younger people...

student1: hi, ms, can u tell us a bit more about your symptoms? how did you first feel?

patient: er... felt like vomitting a lot, tired, bruising, go to the toilet often... (looking very bewildered)

student2: can you tell us whether there's any change to the colour of yr urine?

patient: (looking embarrassed and harrassed) er... brownish?

student3: you said you went to the toilet a lot, but each time there's only a little urine passed right?

patient: (showing obvious signs of discomfort and tears in her eyes...) yes... only a bit.

~~~

at this point, i was reminded by all our bedside tutorials... and scenarios where we 'clerked' patients in bigger groups. and i feel that...
1. doctors and students alike (also nurses) should never discuss the patient's condition in front of them, regardless of how severe/inconsequential the discussion might be... and whether what we say is correct/merely hypothetical.

2. we should not clerk is groups bigger than 2. especially since patients have to answer some more personal questions. and also, to avoid making the patient feel like he/she is before a firing squad.

3. i feel that no matter how rare/interesting/'good' patient's case is ie. usually this signifies very bad news to patients... we shouldn't clerk these patients unless they are very willing to talk.

this scenario reminded me a lot of certain people in the faculty, who are only concerned about getting a good history from the patient and don't put into consideration the feelings of a patient. to them, a patient is just a source of info to benefit themselves, they seem to have ceased thinking of the patient as a person, who has feelings and needs time to grapple with the new-found ill news.

i believe that at some point or another, all of us have been excited to clerk a fantastic case (for presentation) and unknowingly expressed our joy while clerking the patient. i guess we all need more control, in order not to look as though we're gleeful over a person's illness...

:: O & G ::

2005-09-17T20:09:00.000+08:00

:: euw ::

now... this is a kidney dish filled with SEBUM. sebum is this oily mixture that gets secreted out of our sweat glands... it moisturises the skin and contains some anti-bacterials. so why is there such a freaking huge pool of gooey sebum in this dish??? cuz... it just flowed out of this cystic teratoma. a mature cystic teratoma is a type of benign tumour, commonly found in the ovary. this one was the size of a 22wk uterus (diameter ~ 5inches)... when it was slit open, the sebum half spurted out... and the cyst deflated... usually there are other formed elements in the teratoma, these elements are embryonically developed from the 3 cell lines... bascially, it means any tissue can be found in there... like skin, bone, cartilage, hair, fat, endocrine tissue... we tried looking for teeth in there, but too bad, there wasn't any. it was really gross though, the sebum + matted hair...

sigh, i just love operations... :D :D :D i wanna op next time leh.

on friday, there was a code green (emergency caesarean) around 7+... sigh... i RAN all the way to the OT reception cuz i needed someone to open the door for me. but the counter was like a ghost town... thankfully the HO was there so we rushed over to the change room so she could open it for me. she's so nice :) BUT... argh. u all know how far the change rm is from the OT reception rite... sigh and i changed so quickly lor (not like some pple... take ages to change... dunno what they are doing inside the change room...sheesh... hehehe... ) anyway i managed to change without going into the cubey at all lor! and i RAN all the way to the OT... and guess wat... that was under 10min in total... and the baby out liao lor!!! *fumes*

so u see... they really mean it when they say CRASH CAESAR... but i'm glad both mother and son are fine... :D

point of note: when cutting the cord, please be careful not to cut that vital organ if it's a male child. heh.

:: lalala ::

2005-09-14T23:06:00.000+08:00

Your Blogging Type is Confident and Insightful

You've got a ton of brain power, and you leverage it into brilliant blog.
Both creative and logical, you come up with amazing ideas and insights.
A total perfectionist, you find yourself revising and rewriting posts a lot of the time.
You blog for yourself - and you don't care how popular (or unpopular) your blog is!

What's Your Blogging Personality?

guess wat, i'm just BACK from tutorial! woohooo! and one more to go on friday... :D

nanana

2005-09-14T12:05:00.000+08:00

You Should Learn French

C'est super! You appreciate the finer things in life... wine, art, cheese, love affairs.
You are definitely a Parisian at heart. You just need your tongue to catch up...

What Language Should You Learn?

oooh, the sign the sign is here! wondering whether i shld continue with art class... or stop art and do something else... somehow, i'm not that INTO art as into language. hmmm tentatively, i shall continue till i've finished my level on scenery sketching... then we'll see... maybe i'll go do some spanish. (been itching for pple to talk to)

You are an Atheist

When it comes to religion, you're a non-believer (simple as that).
You prefer to think about what's known and proven.
You don't need religion to solve life's problems.
Instead, you tend to work things out with logic and philosophy.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

:: more doc blogs!! ::

2005-09-13T22:55:00.000+08:00

:: more 'doc' blogs!! ::

here's angry doctor and here's angry angsty annoyed alone in a roomful of joy (pending MBBS)

ENJOY!

and btw, 'spacefan' says:

5. Blogging about your patients and being as vague about it as possible offers
no protection whatsoever.

:: can u believe this?!?! ::

2005-09-13T22:39:00.000+08:00

:: can u believe this?!?! ::

clueless accompanies his parents to NUH... the mum was referred there for some vague pain somewhere...

me: so wht's the problem with yr mother?

clueless: don't know leh... next week going for scope....to check....is it serious?

me: scope both top and bottom?

clueless: no say leh... :-( serious?

me: def got say... yr mum signed consent form already rite? after scope will know if her condition is serious or not (ok, i admit, this is probably not the best answer... i shld have said... scope to exclude CA... but i din wanna freak him out. we MS seem to think the worst of every situation)

clueless: nope... i don't think she sign any form... but in the room with the doc, i don't know... how serious? :-(

me: u din go into the rm with her?

clueless: nope leh :-( i waited outside

me: what for?

clueless: what the scenarios?

me: u shld go in with her wat!!!

clueless: she ask me wait outside...

me: haiz

me: in the clinic i see all the patients coming with their kids, have their kids going in with them... the aim of u going to the clinic wif yr mum is cuz u r probably more educatedand can understand the doc better ma... and can ask questions... just in case yr mum gets overwhelmed or dunno how to express her concerns!

clueless: what can i do if she prefers to go in alone?

me: then u go to nuh with her for?

... ... ...

clueless: what the various scenarios for her situation?

me: dun ask me wht is the scenario or watever, even u as the son is so clueless, how can u expect me to know anything.

clueless: so what the scope for?

me: i dun even know where she's scoping what else can i tell u

i can't tell u anything at all cuz u urself can offer me no further info. i suggest u shld go talk to yr mother and find out what exactly took place in the clinic. or else it'll just be like a blind man who doesn't know what he's looking for.

clueless: she sleep liao, i ask tomorrow... so what are the critical qns to ask?

me: the critical question u shld ask yrself is... being her son, why u need someone else to tell u to go ask her wht hap in the clinic?

(thinking: do u need someone to teach u how to be your mother's son?)

*sorry la, i think i'm very ke4 bo2 when it comes to pple like that... but there are just certain forms of s...... that i can't take!

it's actually freaking ridiculous for me to hear of a person who accompanies his parents to the doctor's for a problem, doesn't enter the clinic with them... and then comes home... DOESN'T freaking ask them about what happened to them and what the doctor thinks might be the problem.... and only knows one word. S.C.O.P.E... i mean... don't know want to know more? the pt spends 10min in the room and only got told one sentence... u need to do a scope. and dunno scope where still. best.

:: i'm young after all! ::

2005-09-12T19:04:00.000+08:00

:: yay!!! ::

You Are 20 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

2005-09-10T18:01:00.000+08:00

Your Brain's Pattern

Your brain is always looking for the connections in life.
You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first.
You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker.
You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

ok, just in case i dun make it (choy choy choy + touch a lot of wood... hmmm ok maybe touch any guy also can, they are all so MU4 TOU2) i'll become a mei2ren2... haha... too bad not mei3ren2. :/

:: mt alvernia ::

2005-09-10T17:51:00.000+08:00

was talking to a lady with APH @ 27/52 who'd been compelled to the bed for 2+ weeks...

mdm x: oh i transferred from Mt A. bills quite expensive just for hospital stay...

me: oh ya true... so when u give birth, going to be at Mt A. or KK?

mdm x: oh i think want to go there... my gynae from there..

me: oic, wo ye shi zai na li chu sheng de...

mdm x: eyes wide open, round round... can even see pupils dilating. hehe...

me: ???

me: oh....

mdm x: you gave birth already?

me: er... NO NO NO.... i was born there, my mother gave birth to me there...

mdm x: oh, (pats chest with relief) you look so young...

heh... i feel mollified that at least i look young to her... not like some odd people who like to look old. :P

:: what to do? ::

2005-09-08T20:24:00.000+08:00

:: what to do? ::

now that my mum's back at home... and has nothing to do... she's generating a lot of noise... in the forms of
a) gossip marathon on the phone with my thousand and one relatives who've all come to give advice on how to take care of herself while recuperating... the most absurd of which was:
"you must not touch water, you must not bathe, taking out yr womb is like giving birth... must go under confinement..."
b) hovering around my room imparting me all the gossip she's accumulated throughout the day (while i was in the hosp)
c) attempting to do housework (while we hover around her to take away the broom/mop/clothes/pot... wateva)
d) lying on the bed/sofa (now that we've confined her there) and giving out random instructions... eg
'oy, xxxqi, when u wash the non-stick pan dun use the silver sponge, use the yellow one...'
'oy, xxxqi, i heard today is the all-black day? the clothes will still qi3mao2, then u need to use that brush to brush all the mao2 off...'
'eh, you all remember to throw the rubbish away, i think i can smell something...'
'use the steam iron la... looks easier to use leh'
'someone needs to stock up food... '

so i've come up with some ways to keep her otherwise occupied:
a) rent some vcds, hope she gets hooked onto them...
b) make her get addicted to harry potter... got 6 books for her to read
c) drug her (hia hia hia... swap the panadol with midazolam... evil evil...)
d) keep her high on caffeine
e) get her hooked to online chatting, maybe at #auntie (hehehe) or #post-hysterectomy discussion group
f) get my father to send her to my auntie's house in the morning, and collect her back at night (so she'll spend her whole day there gossiping) aka send to daycare ;)
g) any suggestions???

passing reports

2005-09-08T15:01:00.000+08:00

:: impending pt complaint ::

middle aged old lady, with UVP (utero-vaginal prolapse) came back to the wards after her operation... arrived around 12+... complained of pain...

it is now 3pm... (as u can see from my post), and the nurses are all passing reports.

as i approached the lady, intending to clerk her, i could see her biting on her own index finger... all curled up... she was obviously in pain. and a lot of pain. she was so desperate for some pain killers... they'd told her hours ago, that they'd give her a jab, since she was still NBM (cannot take oral yet). and wait she did...

wait... wait... wait...

and wait... somemore...

so i went to tell the nurses who said: already told staff nurse, they're getting the medicine.

(of course i din dare to approach the staff nurse, she was passing reports, which if u all dunno yet, is a SACRED almost ritualistic process. if i were to interrupt, i would become the sacrificial lamb...)

husband and son came... by then poor lady was biting on her own finger (the pain on the finger can distract the pain at her op site i suppose) and clinging onto the handrails by the bed!!!

and so, i told the husband, go bug the staff nurse (now as we know, visitors won't be sacrificed/yelled at/banned from the wards)... he apparently was quelled by the queen dragon, and approached the ward clerk instead.

rude, stupid clerk barely acknowledged his presence and turned to talk to a nurse! HOW RUDE IS THAT?!?!?! i wish tt man had yelled for her attention. sigh. when are the patients who know their rights when we NEED them?

i wonder... when on earth are they going to give her the jab.

i think i'll go route out the clueless HO. keep seeing her flit lef flit right, i bet she isn't doing anything useful lor.

:: spank the birthday boy ::

2005-09-07T19:19:00.000+08:00

:: happy birthday ahleong ::

may you age with finesse!

lolz, now we know there are OTHER uses of 200 thousand grand. ;)

:: O & G ::

2005-09-05T21:32:00.000+08:00

:: O & G ::

observed and kinda assisted in my first delivery today! woohooo!

for once, i'm actually worried about the falling birth-rate in sg.... after taking away the pts who have complicated pregnancies, those EPS (extra private patients)... and all those who get warded in the labour ward for premmies (like 34 weekers...) we're left with a handul of potential births in a day... such a small supply, when there are EIGHT students rostered there, and each have to be involved in at least 4 deliveries...

not that it helps a lot that a significant proportion of the staff in that hosp seems to be perpetually perimenopausal, in PMS, or simply anal rententive. bah!

labour can be defined by the following words:
1. wait
2. wait
3. wait some more...
active labour starts when the cervix is dilated to 3cm, and the baby theoretically starts coming out at 10cm. it takes 1 hr to dilate 1 cm => go do the math (keep in mind not everyone follows the textbook, though in sg, i'd expect us to go by the book)

it's all a waiting game.
finally, in ard an hour, that's the time taken for the precious bundle of ugly joy to come out through the monstrously dilated cervix (hell, i was so impressed by the fact that my whole hand could go into the cervix! whoa... and i got to feel the baby's head and stuff like that... coool!)

it's a whole lot of PAIN, so women listen:
i mean, really LISTEN! pay attention now!
use epidural! or u'll be screaming yr lungs out during delivery AND you'll be screeching in pain each time the needle pokes yr very tender split open vagina walls when the HO starts to sew up the episiotomy (it's this cut they make to widen the exit so tt the baby can come out more easily)

there's this myth that an epidural's going to cause you chronic low back pain. it's not true la...
1. half or more than half of the women get back pain during pregnancy cuz of the extra load they carry around their tummy anyway
2. and if u'd been carrying this 3kg load for 9mths, and now it's suddenly gone, sure will kena back pain rite?
3. pregnancy causes all yr ligaments to become lose, so some pple will get back pain, but it should go away in 6mths
4. incorrect positioning while breast-feeding also leads to back pain.
and think about it, if you're screaming your lungs out and being so stressed out, your own body's not going to take the delivery well... and your baby's going to be affected as a result of that too!

so... YR BACK OR YR BABY? hahaha...

the ugliest part of labour:
1. the ugly coning of the baby's head
2. the odd urine + blood smell when the membranes are ruptured ie. waterbag broke. sometimes the mothers defecate too... gross and smelly of cuz!
3. the clotting of that entire pool of blood after the cut is made... they make this cut from the vagina exit to the skin... damn deep! i wanna cut next time! they dun use painkiller leh... but the midwife does it while the contractions come!

the most miraculous part of labour:
1. the baby's head coming out! omg....
2. the baby's umbilical cord, it's such a nice translucent pretty colour... and feels good too! i hope i get to clamp, cut and take the cord blood next time round.

the cutest part of the baby:
1. the feet... oooh so tiny.... haha... got to take the hypocount from there... and it keeps wriggling ard, so hard to put on the plaster!
2. the cry.

the funniest part of the delivery:
well, me being very excited, was describing in full detail the baby's descent through the birth canal to the father... urging him to see how the head is just 1 cm from popping out... and all the hair and everything can be seen... and then... the dad said: mabok la...
and after a hurried glance at the gaping bloody hole, retreated into the safety of the midwife's shadow...

:: how to slight an irritating person on your msn list ::

2005-09-04T16:45:00.000+08:00

:: how to slight an irritating person on your msn list ::

(disclaimer: do not do if it's someone you know if real-life cuz you'll probably get bashed up)

pulex irritatans: finally.... xyz (calls u by a stupid nick that you already said u don't like)
me: (after an appropriately long pause, since you're in busy mode) wat's up?
pulex irritans: wow!
me: wow what? i'm bz.
pulex irritans: nothing much.
me: you din see the busy sign?
pulex irritans: u at home?
me: busy
pulex irritans: u rem me?
me: only 1 thing i rem abt u...
me: is that you prob irritated me so much you're off my list.
me: sorry that's the only thing i rem abt you. i'm busy, sorry can't chat, next time don't message me when i'm busy. thanks.

confirmed the irritant won't ever show up to irritate you again. and you can put it off your block list too!

:: double standards ::

2005-09-04T15:17:00.000+08:00

:: double standards ::

if a man is not attached, the view is:
1. sg women too materialistic, i cannot provide her all the gadzillion C's
2. sg women not gentle enough aka shu nu
3. the angmohs took all out women away
4. sg women ask for too high standards
5. sg women are too career-minded
6. sg women are too headstrong and argue too much

if a sg gal is not attached, the view is:
1. she is too materialistic, only love money, and rich men
2. she is an SPG
3. she is a bitch/snob/perpetually pms
4. she set standards that are too high
5. she is fat/ugly/ugly/ugly/ugly/fat/fat lolz...
6. no 'assets'?
7. she is too career-minded
8. she's a les

see the trend?
men NEVER blame themselves, they blame the women, the foreigners, the environment and the government.
how come i haven't heard of gals giving reasons on why they aren't attached yet? mostly i hear, haven't found 'the one'.
i propose, we have another episode of Get Real! which shows: 'Are Singaporean men (with their whining) easy to love?'

7

2005-09-03T11:54:00.000+08:00

:: the seven's ::

7 things that scare me:

1. spiders
2. gum injections (thank god all my wisdom teeth are out)
3. failing ANY exam/test
4. dr P--- at a particular local hospital
5. cats' eyes
6. losing my belongings
7. losing my passion towards life

7 things i can do:

1. sleep faced down (as if i didn't need air)
2. doze off halfway while writing a sentence
3. study anywhere (and i really mean anywhere)
4. sleep anywhere (heh.)
5. multi-task
6. organise pple for events??
7. raise only my left eyebrow

7 things i cannot do:

1. dance salsa (but i want to learn in the future)
2. draw portraits (but i will try to learn in the future)
3. play the piano (always wanted to learn but no chance)
4. speak French (may wanna learn a bit)
5. run 3 km in a shorter time
6. sing (sob sob)
7. stop analysing others' and my own behaviours

7 randoms facts about me:

1. i am irritating
2. i over plan so much that it irritates pple
3. i like longish skirts and i don't really like pants
4. i've evolved to be quite hiao
5. i am quite selfish
6. i think pple are chess pieces
7. i crave all knowledge

7 things i like the most:

1. walking
2. night
3. latino music (those with guitar)
4. books
5. film
6. pple who are humorous
7. my studies (heh.)

7 important things in my room:

1. notebook notebook notebook (can't stress how vital that is!)
2. air-conditioner (woe becomes the day it breaks down)
3. stereo set and CDs (i don't listen to the radio, most DJs are stupid)
4. my chair wif wheels... weeeeeeee!
5. BGM & meds
6. my two little pillows hehehe (can't sleep w/o them)
7. nail cutter (don't ask me why it's impt. but it is. heheh)

7 things i hope to do before i die:

1. Travel travel travel whole of Eastern Europe
2. Backpack South America
3. specialise
4. have children
5. further my spanish studies
6. Provide well for my parents (so they can live well, travel and be in good health)
7. be able to have at least 3 confidantes who accompany me through life...

7 "secrets":

1. i do like someone actually
2. i think friendship is like a 'trade'. i'm done 'giving' when the other party only takes.
3. sometimes, i stand at the kitchen window (e one w/o grills) at ard 1-2am and wonder how it'd feel to jump
4. i am a closet linus
5. i have the bad habit of fingering the edge of my skirt / labcoat when there's nothing else to do (it makes me feel secure)
6. i stutter real bad whenever i'm stressed. ie. like now, in O&G, i keep stuttering whenever i talk to ANY tutor
7. i think about various ways of dying and other morbid things and wonder which i'd have to go thru in this life.

7 kinds of pple i hate:

1. pple who dun help themselves and expect others to give them TWO helping hands
2. pple who make presumptions about me just because of one random thing i do
3. pple who always expect others to take charge and never volunteer to take the lead
4. friends whom i find out have broken their promise to me
5. pple who're not my close friends yet come disturb me on MSN when i'm in the bz mode (especially when it's not a matter of importance)
6. those who borrow my things and DO NOT return them!
7. selfish pple. those who don't share cases in the hospital.

7 pple who should do this:

1. lina (but she's too lazy to blog)
2. sanz
3. AGAG (must do ah!)
4. ahleong (but too bz mugging? anyway, even done i also won't know lor)
5. wenky (i hope, it'd be interesting to find out more about our friends)
6. EW (but she's on blog hiatus)
7. anyone else who read this blog and wants to find out more about himself (sometimes, when you don't actively think about it, you won't realise how you have changed since ages ago)

:: haunted ::

2005-08-31T22:04:00.000+08:00

:: haunted ::

clop clop clop clop chop chop clop screech clop clop chop chop chop click click chop chop clop clop clop screech clop clop clop clop clop clop chop chop chop chop chop screech chop chop chop screechscreech chop chop clop clop clop clop clop cloppp cloppp clopp screech chop chop chop clop clop clop clop screech clop clop clop clop click click click screech chop chop chop chop chop screech chop chop clop clop clop clop clop clop...

@ the rate of 120-140 beats per min.

great this is what i hear every nite right before i fall asleep.
great, haunted by some abortus...

great, i shall do posts like these, cuz no time to breathe, bathe, eat, shit or sleep.

:: icky uoozy cervical disaster ::

2005-08-29T22:36:00.000+08:00

:: what is this?!?!?! ::

heh. my tutor gave me this during clinic session leh.

saw one patient (nulliparous-looking cervix cuz both babes came out via C-section)... and it was SOOO traumatic to put this thing in! i call it the Icky Uoozy Cervical Disaster!

and saw another pt who had this in her for freaking 19 years! now stuck liao lah, cannot take out... pull also caused the thread to break!

gimme barrier method any time manz...

muahaha i dun think hormonal methods are that safe... despite what studies may show. dun mess ard with yr hormones! later become chronically-pmsed. hehe.

:: cyborb ::

2005-08-29T22:06:00.000+08:00

i support efficient sabotage & ceaseless assassination!!!

:: ristorante pizzeria giuseppe ::

2005-08-27T21:05:00.000+08:00

:: ristorante pizzeria giuseppe ::

68 prinsep street
tel 633 4823

guiseppe means joseph... heh heh... closed on sundays
i give it ***** stars.
one for the ambience (very nice... )
one for the service (very polite, friendly, know their stuff AND professional! follow all the etiquette rules to a tee)
one for the price (cheap ah)
one for the quality (fresh, authentic, no MSG)
one for the variety of food.

how to get there:
- 5 min walk from hotel rendezvous bus stop
- by car: turn left at the junction in front of hotel rendezvous, then turn right after the first over head bridge. park at sunshine plaza or just right outside the restaurant.

antipasti
insalata cesare (caesar's salad): VERY NICE! the dressing is just nice... the vinagrette isn't too sour, with a dash of white wine along!
calamari fritti: ok la, calamari is calamari, at least theirs isn't as oily or salty as some other places.
proscuitto con melone (ham -pork, with honey dew): um, ok. kind of odd. not my type of entree.
mozzarella con pomodoro (cheese, basil with tomato): it's actually very nice... in a mild, after-taste sort of way. interessante! the basil is the key ingredient!
or u can get the taster, which is some grandi.... can't rem the name. (SGD16)

minestra di zucca (pumpkin soup with pine nuts and lots of other stuff)
very thick. really thick. nice design. not too sweet/salty. can feel all the ground pumpkin.

minestra al funghi (mushroom soup)
not like those you get elsewhere, which are 'campbell' like. uses portobello mushrooms.
SGD5

spaghetti ai frutta di mare SGD14
slurp. the nicest i've had so far. reasonable portion, though plate is VERY huge.
fat, no-sand mussels (no xin1wei4), big fresh scallop, squid, pretty large prawns in tomato sauce... with hmmm not sure what the spice is... basil? rosemary?

tagliattello bolognaise SGD14
the usual spaghetti bolognaise BUT tastes SO MUCH NICER! the taste is extremely different from the first (unlike a lot of places where they practically use the same pomodoro sauce). this one's real beefy. that's the mozarrella cheese on top, and the cheese goes very well with this sauce. they had a really interesting explanation on why they do not serve bolognaise with spaghetti. really though out their menu well.

bistecca SGD20
steak, medium rare. really nice. sizeable piece. the grilled garlic is delicious... :D
hmmm very nicely done up steak. heh. i dun usually take steak outside, so a bit hard to compare. the salad's very nice though. i like it that they use wine as one of their ingredients. gives that extra omph to the food!

other stuff available:
pasta: spaghetti al funghi, fetuccine al funghi con salmone, spaghettini aglio oglio (very smart concept, normal spaghetti does not taste well aglio olio)... a lot of others... my italian is a bit dusty, cannot absorb so much at one go.
pizza: lots. din read though
main course: chicken breast, lamb chops, salmone in a packet, risotto al funghi (oooh, looks very nice, next time i'll try that, BUT must wait 20-30min to cook)... lots more.
and then there's WINE... SGD8 per glass... 42 per bottle, vini rossi e bianchi.
dessert: the best is the chocolate cake, but my bro tried the tiramisu instead. u know, tiramisu actually means something like pull-to me-it. or rather, pull it to me? odd.

MUST GO MUST GO!!!

:: art class - lesson 8 ::

2005-08-27T21:00:00.000+08:00

:: art class - lesson 8 ::

from left to right: sugar cane (mine looks especially juicy rite? cuz i was very thirsty during class)... 2 tomatoes... cabbage in basket, two kantans (sweet ones) and ginger. (yay, finally got to draw ginger!)
talking about kantans, got two in my class, (inedible ones, that is) two chinese-american kids. really banana... at least trying to get in touch with their roots, they were learning chinese painting. heh. then this part got me suffocating trying to stifle my laughter...

kang lao shi: hao le, hua de bu cuo, xian zai yao xie ge ming... ni men de zhong wen ming shi shenme?
male kantan: jia wei
kang lao shi: zhenme xie? hui xie ma?
male kantan writes something...
kang lao shi: zhe ge bu shi 'jia' shi jie wei. ni de ming zi shi jiewei ah.
me: ... ... ...

there's an exhibition at ping3 xuan1 ge2 (my art class location), waterloo st, 3min from the guanyin temple @ bugis, on 10-11 sept. i've submitted two artworks (both flowers, they know me as 'na4 ge4 hua4 hua1 de...') hope they get into the exhibition. heh. they'll be still-life charcoal sketches, watercolour, portrait and oil paints... also calligraphy and chinese painting. i wonder if the cookery class will be making biscuits / mooncakes. every saturday they'll make the art class pple hungry from all the beautiful smells wafting in from next door. grrr... then we all got charcoal all over our hands cannot eat! *grumble rumble*

mood update: still depressed. i need the following in terms of priority - rest, money and 'someone to call my own'.

:: random thoughts of the day ::

2005-08-26T22:15:00.000+08:00

:: random thoughts of the day ::

am feeling REALLY blue. and a bit green. think i'm menopausal. maybe got premature ovarian failure. *sob*

cg01 wanted to adopt me as a mascot. dunno what gave them the idea? i hope the adoption comes with pocket money. i'm broke. oh so broke!

SY is really good at picking up subtleties... that's like the 2nd or 3rd time he's 'caught' me. may he be a great medical oncologist or psychiatrist in the future!

i'm such a klutz! first, my arm knocked into the fire extinguisher at NUH (it's suspiciously light, maybe empty already?) then, i hit my head on the switches along the brick wall at sc canteen... and as i was walking home, a stupid grp of guys' sepak takraw ball hit my head! *sob sob*

i'm pathologically depressed. any kind soul out there can cheer me up a bit?

sigh.

maybe i should bury myself in work. i mean literally, i'm going to make myself a cocoon out of my notes and sleep through the next few months.

the laugh sounded too loud, too high-pitched and too forced today. this doesn't bode well...

ARGH! ultimate frustration

upset

2005-08-26T00:19:00.000+08:00

should have known, should have learnt, should have kept my ..... under lock and key. (and throw the key into the Pacific...)
people say i am very 'grounded', practical and even too realistic. (materialistic too?)
i don't think so. never knew anyone who'd spend so much time thinking of unrealistic, hypothetical situations, better known as 'castles in the air'.
so foolish. nothing's more important than what i have now.
and nothing's more secure than what i can achieve myself.

i think i am paranoid.
but i'm still optimistic.
and i'll survive. anything.

nothing matters more than what is REAL...
no point thinking, no point imagining, no point wondering, hoping or ~~praying~~ (that's not me)
what's there is there.
mustn't exhaust myself thinking about it.

LET GO...

****************************************
Mi voz puede volar
puede atravesar
cualquier herida
cualquier tiempo
cualquier soledad
sin que la pueda controlar
toma forma de canción
así es mi voz que sale de mi corazón...

Y ahora vuelvo a recordar aquel tiempo atrás
cuando me fui buscando el cielo de la libertad
cuantos amigos que dejé y cuantas lagrimas lloré
y hoy viviré para volverlos a encontrar...

Sobreviviendo en esta vida es lo que estoy haciendo
sobreviviendo estoy sobreviendo, estoy sobreviendo

Rompiendo barreras voy sobreviviendo
Cruzando fronteras voy sobreviviendo
Yo viviré, yo viviré, yo viviré, y sobreviviré.

****************************************

sometimes i wonder, isn't it better to not feel?

but i shall not think that way. NO! a person who does not have the capacity for emotion is not human and not fit to live! ¡Yo podré sobrevivir todo!

happy birthday reeeeeema!!!

2005-08-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY REEMA DEAR!!!

We wanted to get you this (him) but... we lacked the funds... hahaha...

--- idea courtesy of H.S. @ bitchcentral

And this song 'dedication' is for youuuu! I'd serenade you if i din have a horrible voice. haha...

Don’t worry about that extra line that’s scrapping up upon your face.
It’s just a part of nature’s way to say you’ve grown a little more.
Trees have wings and thicker branches, kids’ shoes get a little tighter.
Every year we’re getting closer to who we’re gonna be.
It’s time to celebrate the story of how you’ve come to be.

Happy birthday, my friend.
Here’s to all the years we’ve shared together, all the fun we’ve had.
You’re such a blessing, such a joy in my life.
May the good Lord bless you and may all your dreams come true.

So light a candle on your cake for every smile you’ve helped create.
For every heart and every soul you’ve helped to grow a little more.
A few more pounds, a little more grey, don’t count the years, just count the ways
It takes a little time to go from water into wine.
Don’t ever lose the wonder of the child within your eyes.

Happy birthday, my friend.
Here’s to all the years we’ve shared together, all the fun we’ve had.
You’re such a blessing, such a joy in my life.
May the good Lord bless you and may all your dreams come true.

--- ‘The Birthday Song’ by Corrinne May

:: my family is crazy! ::

2005-08-23T21:23:00.000+08:00

:: my family is crazy! ::

EVERYONE in my family except yours truly became VERY hiao today. now i have a constant stream of pple walking in and out of my room to use my mirror (being that i am the only one with a full-length mirror and a light supply that is actually bright enough to show up the subtle bulges and blemishes in the mirror.

pa: eh, quick see me, quick leh... how do i look?
me: blah blah blah blah... internal rotation, screwing in progress... pls don't wear checks la... so ugly...
pa: but i like...
me: what else can i say...
pa: ok, i want to change my wardrobe! we'll go this saturday! springfield i'm coming!

me: (hydatidiform moles are gross)
ma: aiyo i haven't worn that brown sleeveless thing since chinese new year...
me: why never wear? nice wat. (blast the trophoblasts... so confusing...)
ma: but the sleeves like so incut, feels a bit too bao4 ru4.
me: it's not ru4du4 or ru4bei4 zhuang la... it's only ru4bi4 can wear one, wear to go shopping...
ma: shopping can meh?
me: dress up, not down! always better to dress up! (transvaginal scanning + plasma/urine hCG)

bro: zae (sis), that day the champagne tie... no one else wear...
me: they got no good taste like me mah... (and like the professional tie matcher-auntie at taka)
bro: u sure or not, but it's pink leh! pink!
me: it's champagne rose... be more classy la... plus pink ok wat, i have a friend who was hankering after this shirt, and it's pinker than yr tie...
bro: issit?
me: ya lah, pink is in lah, and you don't look gay so dun worry.
bro: (looks a bit sceptical)
me: (feels super under appreciated)

i guess this saturday my family will have a shopping expedition after art class... lolz... yay yay yay, i must let my mum buy me some clothes. keke...

here i am, reading about the 7 stages of labour and using this donut shaped cushion to simulate a pelvis... with my trusty little never-leave-my-side pillow as the foetus. resigned to the endless stream of wannabe models parading through my room door... i shall make each one listen to my explanation of the various causes of bleeding during early pregnancy... before they can ask me for my opinion about their clothes.

:: crystal gazing ::

2005-08-22T23:24:00.000+08:00

:: crystal gazing ::

went to my auntie's house to hob nob with my cousins... heh heh... i broke into their crystal collection and their new goods... they do some importing of crystals... my cousin's room was practically FULL of crystal displays. i got a headache after spending an hour inside. hmmm not very surprising. can u imagine how much 'stuff' is radiating out from those crystals? also managed to flip around in her mineralogy books and holistic healing books... hmm interesting.

this is a teknite (i think), it's from the philippines, and is formed when meteorites hit the earth... all the sand melting and blah blah blah. we all concur that it looks like 'shit'. heh.

another teknite, it's called the muscovite. from brazil (i think) or was it new mexico? different material... thus different colours...

this is my favourite! such a nice green... it looks quite ugly when under normal vision, but when u hold it up to the light, u see the translucent green hues... v nice... and those wavy lines on the rock. i want! i want! but it costs 50+ (and that's like special price already...) sigh. it looks like my green skirt!

in layman terms, this is the dragonstone ball... note those two star-shaped brown inclusions? those are actually fossils... this one's got lil fossils here n there... very special. heh.

this is another dragonstone ball. it contains aragonite (the dark brown) and calcite (the crystalline yellow parts). supposed to be good for sigh i can't rem... it was info overload in there...

Howlite - supposed to help reduce stress... i think it'll function very well as a bowling ball. hehehehehe... my cousins say i need this howlite + something to slow down my speed of speech. do i really speak that quickly? i get this complaint EVERY CNY...

as if i say this: unclenihao,gongxifacai,shengtijiankang,shengyixingrong,pubugaosheng,hongbaoyigelai...

this is a mixture of two minerals - azurite and malachite. azurite is the blue one. hehe azul means blue in spanish btw.

i can't remember the real name, i think it might be the raw form of azurite... isn't the rich cobalt blue colour so nice? it stinks though. hehe... my cousins cannot figure out why i kept sniffing some crystals... they look sniffable rite? i think i might get sulphur poisoning...

ok, this is a mahogany obsidian snowflake. those white spots look a bit like the dendritic ulcers on the cornea in HSV infection. anyway, black obsidian is supposed to be the most powerful (to dunno do what) but she's only got the brown one. :P

i like this one too... it's called lapis lazuli, i tot i can see a castle in the midst of a snow capped mountain. hehehe... she wanted to give it to me, but then i dun really want. cuz she's had the crystal for quite some time already... so... nah nah... i think crystals become attuned to our aura or something after some time and won't be suitable for another person... unless it gets cleansed or sth. not sure. too lazy to go cleanse.

this brings me to the question of why i din take the photo of this REALLY beautiful FLAKY crystal. i mean, i've never seen such a flaky crystal. hahaha! it's self-cleansing too... so lazy pple like me dun need to cleanse it. it's called the lepidolite.

ah, found a pic online ->

NICE RITE???

this is the amethyst. hehe easy la. purple. but it's one of the nicest ones i've seen around... unfortunately it's not easily captured on my lousy hp camera. hehe...

yea, this is the spinel (red dot) on the matrix. the spinel is a semi-gem... can be used to make jewellery... i tot it's very cute, like a cherry on a cake with white icing. unfortunately, my cousins caught me trying to pry that stone out. heehee... *just joking*

pyrite... on a piece of rock! hah! this one's rarer, only found in spain, and they grow as cuboids, unlike the huge chunk below...

pyrite... very ugly. i dun really like. but good to use as a weapon!

ok, i went crazy over her box of celestites!!! a new shipment just came in, i think from branbundy mountain (not sure of spelling) from namibia, somewhere in africa. heard that demand for this is very high... quite rare... and when you shine a white light at the crystal, there's a sort of pale blue illuminiance over it. very cool...

quartz... bet u all very familiar with this. but i learnt something extra today. apparently, some believe that quartz was used in rituals long long time ago, where quartz was like a thumbdrive/SD card and wisdom/knowledge could be transmitted and stored within the crystal. some crystals have 'record marks', a raised equilateral triangle mark or an 'etched' triangle mark. looks like it can be man made, but it's supposed to be found naturally. also, the sides of certain quartz (those that were used as memory sticks) will have a barcode effect when brought to a certain angle to the light... quite cool... managed to see today. :D

this is just a quartz cluster... ignore that egg thing, it's the azurite+malachite polished stone. i think this cluster is quite expensive... dun dare to anyhow touch.

this is one clear quartz... but it's got a bit of smokey effect... v hard to visualise in this photo. the black mark was just a circle to note the location of the 'anhydrous' ie. water within the crystal. interesting eh.
phantom quartz. quite a lot of crystals have phantoms. which is actually another crystal growing within the crystal.. like this one has one crystal growing within another which is growing within another... if u look carefully enough, can see the outlines. there's the dendritic ulcer thingy... then a semi-opaque whitish quartz... another shadow and finally the clear exterior...

this is a double-terminated quartz from tibet. i think outside they'll sell at 100+... but my cousins sell at cheaper prices... anyway... can't rem wht it's good for... different crystals are good for different things... double-terminated ones are rare than the single spiked ones.

dog-toothed calcite. collector's item i think... not for sale...

labradonite. wand shaped... quite cool crystal... it's got green-grey-blue flashes all mixed in together. it might look opaque over here, but it's sort of translucent here n there... really beautiful flashes of blue when brought to the light.

unfortunately i can't rem the name... it's some quartz on something else... it's actually tiny little dark green crystals. looks v beautiful...

and this final one... whoa, like a chunk of metal spokes! it's quite expensive, has some use in the metal industry...

music to my ears

2005-08-21T23:55:00.000+08:00

:: music to my ears ::

i just realised something, i really like the music in the OT... the tee tee tee and the bellows compressing and decompressing sounds... and more interestingly the sounds from the PHACO machine... haha... i think i can fall asleep from listening to all that. hmmm i suppose that's a good sign that i shouldn't head towards anaesthesia?

the most exciting sound happens when the sats start dropping... ie. the oxygen concentration just keeps going down.... it's like a musical note going flatter with each passing second!!!

muahahahahaha...

time for more boh liao quizzes

2005-08-20T11:57:00.000+08:00

You are the color turquoise. A fairly tempermental
person, you're either upset or tranquil most of
the time. You can be as calm as your color.
You're a mysterious person, yet somehow
outgoing. You're balanced, simply put. You're
somewhat bold. You're generous and
sophisticated--but never ever snobby. You're
lively and rich in personality and attitude.
You're a beautiful person, aside from the fact
that you're a perfectionist and painfully
honest. But life is good to you!

What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Your artistic style is:

PUI, i wanna be SURREALIST!!! go dalí!

:: anaesthetic anxieties ::

2005-08-19T21:23:00.000+08:00

:: anaesthetic anxieties ::

situation 1:
student approaches patient with trepidation cuz she knows that she's going to POKE the poor patient with this HUGE needle (the needle has a bore wide enough to thread a string through). and she also knows that she might have to poke the patient MORE THAN 2 times... heh.
tie on tourniquet... tap tap tap... pats/hits/slaps the dorsum of the hand, looking for nice big bouncy veins... sometimes we go for the one right on the inner side of the wrist... big bouncy but looks damn painful to poke. give LA injection, so lessen the pain when the BIG BIG needle goes in...
ARGH, the LA causes a wheal... blocks out the anatomy of the vein... but no fear... so... advance with HUGE needle (warn pt first), poke in DECISIVELY, LIFT the needle, skin up, then can see vein... hehe it looks barbaric, all this burrowing and advancing, withdrawing, mucking around under the patient's skin, but best to do it then let the plug fail... just make sure no haematoma... finally, get FLASH BACK! advance just one mm.... then push the cannula (straw) in while pulling the needle out together... nice and smooth... better hope it doesn't get jammed halfway, cuz tt probably means you're OUTTA vein!
and if unfortunately, u don't get the plug in, u have to poke the pt on another vein again!
so can u imagine, if on two consecutive tries u can't get the plug in, it'll be sooo stressful by the time it's the third attempt.
an MO told me, once she did up to 10 tries on this patient, on all four limbs, cuz it was so hard to set a plug for him! oh dear...

situation 2:
con: medical student? year four rite? ah... good good... you must ask questions...
con to his reg: hey, medical student here, good!
reg: ... ... ...
con to reg: don't keep so quiet, you must ask questions! now is a good time to practice!
mo: you dang2 for me, i siam.
me: (:S and feels very stupid)
so in the OT that day, it was rather funny, everytime the con appears, the reg will scurry over to my side and ask me all kinds of questions... lolz... but i like that... heh. i like this kind of question-answer viva like teaching. especially if i dunno the answer, and the doc refuses to tell me but makes me think it out myself! yeah... i like this kind of stress! haha...

situation 3:
endotracheal intubation!! sometimes done under scrutiny of yr tutor, yr tutor's superior, ALL the OT nurses, sometimes the porters too, and worst of all, PLUS the surgeons!
open patients mouth: careful not to get bitten
put in laryngoscope: careful not to chip or cause loose teeth to fall out, cuz that's like a mountain of paperwork + $17 000 AND the whole OT going : orh.... u die. (haha... just a joke)
pull up... up and up..... : arm trembles.... where's the CORDS?!?!?! floppy epiglottis and whatnots...
finally when u see the dark hole between those two vocal cords, u slide the ETT in... once in a while, the stupid tube gets jammed... (especially since no one really uses the stylet anyway)...

situation 4:
ETT is in already, BUT... u can't hear the lung sounds! oops... or u hear one side more than the other....
thankfully, this hasn't happened. yet.

situation 5:
you're holding the mask, the doc is injecting the muscle relaxant and propofol... pt STOPS breathing... u quickly do yr head tile, jaw thrust, chin lift and watnots... and bag bag bag... BUT... no end tidal CO2 ah! or worse, major leak from all sides (maybe cuz pt has got hollow cheeks).. hehe... so u desperately tr y to cover all the holes and bag at the same time... looks v gang2 kor4 actually... and is in fact v uncomfortable.

situation 6:
WHAT THE HELL AM I BLOGGING ABOUT ANAESTHESIA RIGHT AFTER THE TEST?!?! I'M SUCH A LOSER!!! I GOT NO LIFE!!!

:: low crime doesn't mean NO crime ::

2005-08-18T20:20:00.000+08:00

:: low crime doesn't mean NO crime ::

let this be a lesson to all...

me: hey so shuay, for the one day i did not bring my wallet into the OT (operating theatre) with me, my money had to be stolen... of all days, i had to bring up to 80bux in my wallet! (usually u won't find more than 30 in it).

if only the ATM machine hadn't broken down, i'd have had deposited my hardearned money (fr tuition into my not-very-fat bank account)...
if only i wasn't that excited about O&G OT posting, i wouldn't have rushed out of the changing room... and forgotten my wallet. sigh. excuses excuses... bottomline is, i was just too careless with my own belongings. wake up call leh... cannot be so sotong anymore... especially in anaesthesia, sotongness can lead to stuffing the ETT down the nostril...

BUT BUT BUT.... the most important lesson is...

~~MONEY NO ENOUGH AND VERY IMPORTANT~~ LOW CRIME DOESN'T MEAN NO CRIME! we must always be VIGILANT! if we see odd packages lying around, we must report to the police! and not claim them as your own! and that goes the same for stray wallets lying around. ha ha ha...

ok... second lesson is...
~~MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND!~~ IT'S HARD TO EARN YOUR OWN MONEY! SO DON'T SPEND ALL YR PARENTS' $$$!

third and most important lesson...
don't think the cleaner/nurse smile smile at you means she won't go thru yr belongings and steal ALL your money, inclusive of all the 1c, 5c coins in yr coin compartment. (she even took my medicine... wanna have my blood on her hands ah, what if it's some GTN? or ventolin? huh. then how?) i feel so urky and dirty just thinking of those hands pawing through the rubbish and then pawing through my clothes and notes! omg... ew...

some responses from classmates...
"gosh, that's awful!"
"oh my... but then money can always earn back one wat..." (wise words from the very wise but also very cheena chinaman chinese teacher)
"aiyoh! no locker??! why never keep your stuff in the locker?!?!"
"just take it as you donate the money to someone who really needs the money..."
"Wah, so suay... so greedy e person... Curse him/her sia... take it as a sign 2 gt a new wallet. curse e thief" (lolz, my fren v funny)
"Waaa really raided! even coins?! Aiyo so cheapo!!..."

so... well... what better way to console myself then retail pseudo-therapy???

:: china gal ::

2005-08-14T19:29:00.000+08:00

:: PRC blues ::

(after tuition, at home with ah-Ma)
Me: Ma, the tuition student's mother ask me whether i'm Singaporean.... again leh!

Ma: aiyah, what else can she ask you? you from India huh?

Me: oi..... Hong Kong la...

Ma: HK... cannot lah, u too ugly liao.

Me: ... ... ... (grumbles grumbles)

************

so now, i think i must tell the truth...

My name is Zhou Da Mei.
I am 20 this year and I have a brother called Zhou Xiao Di.
I am from the Southern province of China... Shi Li Chun of Hai Nan Dao(hehehe)and I came to Singapore to read medicine. The most important thing I have learnt these few years is that my village needs a diet modification. We must consume less salted and preserved foods to decrease our risk of nasopharyngeal cancer.

where i want to be right now

2005-08-13T18:12:00.000+08:00

where i want to be right now - - -

1. holed up in a comfy couch all alone reading some kind of book (not medical), in a study with high ceilings, dark mahogany shelves line all 3.5 walls and are filled with old, dusty and musty tomes... yellowish hues (so as not to damage the manuscript) light up the place and nothing but silence in the background. no clocks either.
i like the feeling of being surrounded by books, especially old ones... about true events... all bound up, thick and yellowed pages... it paints a timeless picture. and thinking about the wars that have been fought, the countries created and nations destroyed, all those men who've lived and died. makes me feel so tiny, like an insignificant spot in the long long history of mankind and yet, there is also the thought that one day, perhaps, i or my deeds will be accorded a space on those shelves, to contribute to this special collection that tells us the story of this world...

2. i would like to lie down in the grass of an oily green, green, green plain (without worrying about grass stains), with nothing, just nothing else around except green rolling plains.... on undulating hills all around... and speckled with small little white and yellow flowers. then can look up at the sky, see the ever-changing clouds.

3. hmmm and i LOVE the weather just before it turns bad... ie. the time before the rains fall... when dark clouds hang low in the sky, with occasional rumbles of thunder but NO lightning - it makes it too dangerous to walk around in. and i love the really really strong winds at that time... hehe... and another reason why i love to be in such weather is the sense of excitement it creates, u never know when the rains are going to start! such weather isn't easy to come by, and when they happen, they never last long enough.

4. walk down deserted cobbled streets in the wee hours of the night-morning... where all the shops are closed say ard 5am... and walk walk walk until the sun rises and people start coming out onto the streets again. i like this kind of peace and quiet, it lets me think properly, reflect on my life and the people around me. or else just walk walk walk... walking in silence is one of my greatest enjoyments.

hehe all these, not necessarily must be done alone la... heh. can be accompanied by the special someone when i find HIM la... (not her k, some pple need to stop thinking about lesbian love. grrr... i'm ramrod straight ok!)

:: jog jog ::

2005-08-10T20:53:00.000+08:00

:: sight-seeing ::

jogging is a great opportunity to sight-see, and you'll find all kinds of interesting quirky characters, fantastic bodies and frankly pple who u dunno what they're doing at the park. hmmm...

the business/stock/shares 'kakis'
everyday at 630pm, without fail, these two good friends (who so happen to look a lot like each other in physique) will take a brisk walk ard the park. round and round they go, never jogging but only walking and all the while yammering about business, stocks, and shares. u gotta admire them, it's NOT easy to brisk walk AND brisk talk at the same time...
today din see them, i think they took an off day, maybe both were at ndp yday? heh.

the strong ah-ma
wah, this ah-ma is not to be trifled with, fragile she might look, but when she runs, she's like the wind! whoa... and she also does a few rounds of backwards walking too... train up dunno which muscles... gastroc? hmmm... yea, i think she'll be able to catch any unfortunate thief who decides to rob her!

the infamous indian pair
not that i'm racist... but i really wonder how the two of them can walk soooo slowly in the park and spread themselves soooo widely that their combined girth takes up the entire path, forcing joggers and walkers alike to navigate amongst the grass, twigs and snails along the path. more interestingly, they take their walk in FULL, GLORIOUS saris and watnots... not hot meh? and when the wind comes, their saris can billow around them... yesh, very galadriel-like but also very hazardous for joggers who can get entangled in them!

one fat one thin
i normally see the thin one, today was the first time i saw the fat one. the first time i saw her, i couldn't make up my mind whether she was just fat around the waist or was she pregnant... hmmm... then i tot her legs din look too swollen nor her breasts too big... so... maybe just a fantastic collection of adipose tissue. i think the thin man is her husband. so cute those two. they started out walking hand in hand... aww... so sweet. then she'd be grumbling and her husband encouraging her... hehe... after two rounds, i saw them both again, at the bottom of that most-hated slope in the park... actually i was running opposite them... i saw her.. and then i wondered where the man was... until i passed them and saw that he was pushing her up the slope. heh. aw... so cute the two of them. what a supportive husband!

the hp-auntie

this one is a very interesting character. mostly i dun see pple running with their mobiles... this one can talk and brisk walk together, or sms and brisk walk at the same time, i'm waiting to see her talk and run at the same time.

one-armed ah-beng
he's not exactly one-armed, but i'm pretty sure he's got a right brachial plexus injury. that arm is all atrophied, the other arm is very very muscular. is this what they call compensational hypertrophy? heh. anyway, he's very heavily tattooed so though i was ogling at his arms, i din dare look too hard. later kena punched by the bigger one. apart from that, he runs with his left hand holding on to his right wrist. and i think the right arm's oscillatory motions are definitely another sign of lack of nervous innervation over there... i think he got it in some kind of motorbike accident?

BIKERS BEWARE!!!

it's not a matter of when you meet an accident, it's a matter of how severely you'll be injured! (becos you'll meet one sooner or later anyway)

:: the interpreter ::

2005-08-09T13:16:00.000+08:00

:: "Vengeance is a lazy form of grief" ::

Something taken from 'The Interpreter", starring Nicole Kidman. Quite a good movie...

"If someone is murdered, a year of mourning ends with a ritual that we call
'drowning ritual'. There is an all night party beside the river, and at
dawn, the killer is taken out in a boat and dropped into the water. He is
bound, he can't swim. The family of the dead has to make a choice, they
can let him drown or they can swim out to save him.
The [tribe] believes that if the family lets the killer drown, they'll
have justice but spend the rest of their life in mourning. But if they
save him, but if they admit that life isn't always just, that very act can take
away their sorrow. Vengeance is a lazy form of grief."
--- Sylvia Broome

:: it reared its ugly **y head ::

2005-08-07T21:46:00.000+08:00

:: it reared its ugly **y head ::

manz... someone just pointed me to this! it's been quite a few years since i've lost contact with him... well not really lost contact, or rather, found it undesirable (and even more undesirable on my ph bill) to keep in contact with him. every once in a while, i worry about meeting him in the clinic or ward cuz i think he'll talk my ears off.

there's this syndrome, i shall call it the chipmunk syndrome...
everyone likes the chipmunk at first... some gush about him, some just love him to death. (haha) he provides such prime entertainment during the impart of knowledge and never causes the dopey-est of students to fall asleep. never. really.

then, like the chipmunk which irritates pple with his big teeth, constant chittering and hoards of nuts, by and by, we get tired of his corny jokes, his dramaaaaa, his rather high-pitched laugh and his constant complaints and his old grandfather stories of all the ex-horror students... aka. the stalker, the hoity-toity latin spouting lecturer, the cheapo and the-one-who-only-loved-his-dog-and-not-him (aww... that must be so heartbreaking for him) and so on... and worse, the manipulative ways...

he's an awfully cunning person i think, or rather, mike thinks. ok, izzy too... and KW and haha... gosh, tt's half the class? hmmm last time i'm like those doe-eyed, blur blur, sweet and innocent, plus young jc student... (cue for all: puke!) kena taken in by him. wa lao... ok but i wasn't that toot for long at least. haha... in uni smarter liao la... or rather, i got so tired of him...

i can't believe she wants to study under him again! omg...

this is a lesson learnt... never be taken in by pple's appearances, no matter how good it seems to be... and how 'nice' that person appears.

:: art class ::

2005-08-07T11:38:00.000+08:00

:: camera's up! ::

finally the camera is back...

:: lesson V ::

from left to right: yam, 2 maize in a basket, red pepper and jiao3gua1.
satisfaction level: pretty high (loved my new found technique of drawing baskets and maize! mother loves the yam.)
on a sidenote, if the jiao3gua1 isn't drawn properly, it could look like gigantic lady's fingers... a fact i've noted fr other classmates' drawing.

:: lesson VI ::

from left to right: tomato, 2 limes, very ugly spring onions, claypot, 2 xiaobaicai in basket (not again!) and yellow pepper.
satisfaction level: urgh, so-so only.

:: lesson VII ::

right on: chyrsanthenums in china porcelain (I really dun like those blue-white porcelain, still have to draw it!) with 2 persimmons.
satisfaction level: moderate

:: shades of grey ::

2005-08-07T01:29:00.000+08:00

:: grey ::

the world is too grey. light, dark, ash and clay;
nothing clear cut, like black and white.

a great example would be friendship. how far and how deep does the trust extend? even between bosom friends? how honest are we with each other? how loyal and how faithful? how many promises are kept?
i can safely say, i've never really been gut-wrenchingly, fully honest to any of my friends...

'all throughout history, the loneliest people were the ones who always spoke their truth...'

i know one secret, one per friend i have... and if were told to the corresponding friends, would destroy the friendships forever. therefore, i think i can conclude that...

friendship is not about being tactlessly honest or piercingly straightfoward, it's about how to temper the ugly truths, so as to soften the impact, or how to put the inevitably harsh words into something more mellow, without changing the original meaning.

most importantly, any friendship is fundamentally flawed if... one of the other does not live by this:

friendship is about how to live with other people, without the notion of using them for your own advantage.

A Doc's Life: The Worst Day of My Life

2005-08-06T22:22:00.001+08:00

A Doc's Life: The Worst Day of My Life

a blow by blow account of the daily battle...

very scary...

:: toyota ::

2005-08-06T20:10:00.000+08:00

:: toyota boy ::

muahahaha... that's the thing about kids, very easy to hong2 one... then can make them wear all kinds of odd things...

now he looks like some kind of toyota-samsui-pai-kia. keke...

(the red thing is actually the cover of the neck rest...)

:: love ::

2005-08-05T18:57:00.000+08:00

:: the word 'love' is not always a good thing ::

the rejection
- i love you, jessica
- but i don't love you back...

getting competitive
man to woman - i love you
woman to man - i love you more
man to woman - no, i love you much more
woman to man - NO, i love you more than i love my guccis
man to woman - NO, NO, i love you more than i love my car!

the creepy stalker
- i love you.... where are you.... come out come out, wherever you are... you cannot hide from me, cos love will find you in the end...

the triangle
- i love you, joseph
- but i love her

the complicated triangle
- i love you, will
- but i love jack

the pregnant pause
- honey, i love you
... ... ...
... ... ...
... ... ...
- me too

bittersweet chocolate
- you can choose not to love me, but you can't stop me from loving you

what men believe of the modern woman aka 'just a myth'
- i love your car, i love your house, i love your credit card, i love your tie...

what women think of all men (primitive and modern) aka 'the fact of life'
- i love your hair, i love your clothes, i love your body and i'd so love to get into your pants...

the over-analyst, the realist (maybe me)
- i love you.
... ... ...
(me think think think...)
- i think i love you too.

:: unnamed prose ::

2005-08-05T11:41:00.000+08:00

When you are in love,

Or think that you are;

You look out at the wide world,

Through hues of rose and gold;

Feeling such happiness in your heart,

Such confidence and such courage,

And a knowing smile lingers upon your lips.

As much as love gives,

Love takes too;

And for some,

Cruelly, much more than should be.

The world, once full of promise,

Stares back an empty slate of grey.

Your dreams wither, your tears run dry,

And you feel so alone,

Without one to call your own.

--- Anonymous

:: crap ::

2005-08-04T20:20:00.000+08:00

'BEEP'
me: oh shit, not again, why do these security chk points beep?! this is like the THIRD time in a row... at airport i also kena.
- try again...
'BEEP'
me: bleeping beepers... sigh
guards uses this not-so-cool looking stick with a donut at the end to scan me...
- ms, yr clip.
aiyooo y so shuei... haven't worn this clip for quite some time... argh. now see la, pple think it can be used as some kind of weapon...
heeeYA! martial arts pose... hurls the golden dart at my chou2 ren2...

**********

- ooooh, go subordinate courts! coroner's cases tried! whoa, wonder if there'll be anything interesting?

9am.... tick tock tick tock... 10am... finally, her 'majesty' arrives...

police officer reads in a very singlish slang... case no... xxxxx on the death of a xyz... blah blah blah. took testimonial from mr abc...

secretary: c20 ... (hands paper to judge)

took testimonial from mr efg...

secretary: c21... (hands paper to judge)

and it goes on like this for 20min or so...

the VERY pregnant pause for 10-15min while the judge reads the information (probably first reading) and finally pronounces sentence in a very wayang way.

and everytime the judge says something that sounds like she's doing something useful... the pple have to say 'grateful'.... odd.

i thought the physical examination and certain wayang tactics in medicine was weird enough, i guess i just haven't seen what goes on within the courtroom.

to sum up, it was the MOST GRUESOMELY BORING event in my whole life...

**********

ok... so we were all on wenky's van back to school. he's installed a really nice mini sofa at the back, so we can all sit comfortably. heh... and so 'some people' cannot sleep like a prawn-shaped baby in the back.

W: oh can drop you guys off... (sth like goods vehicle so can stop inside for a while...)

E: oh ya... liqi, parcel from china rite?

me: *flames* (i hope the flames turned his boiled chicken to charbroiled/chao-tah chicken)

**********

It always scares me to suddenly realise there are quite a few silent readers of my blog. *chill down my spine* and when they suddenly leave a comment, it gets awfully spooky... perhaps i shld embed some tracking instrument here... hmmm...

:: care bears ::

2005-08-03T23:53:00.000+08:00

	Friend Bear You are everyone's ideal friend because you are sincere and genuinely kind. Sometimes you worry about your friends' problems so much, you forget about your own responsibilities, which can get you into trouble. For you, it's the little things that really count. You also happen to be the main driver of the Cloud Car. No speeding!
*Take the Which Care Bear Are You?* Quiz!**

hmmm, this is not very me. i'm not a very kind person. sometimes i am intentionally cruel to ppl. (oops.) i think i'm more of the fun-shine bear.. hehe... or maybe the bedtime one. haha... in fact, i don't even belong to these cuddly lovey bears... too evil liao.

A Doc's Life

2005-08-02T23:57:00.000+08:00

:: funny 'medical' blog - A Doc's (Dog's) Life ::

ok i think u guys will love this.

look out especially for: Why do i want to be a doctor? and how to answer pple who ask you whether you get aroused looking at naked guys/gals and the non-so-beautiful-after-all the miracle of birth. hahahahahaha!!!

:: musings from the ivory tower ::

2005-08-02T20:18:00.000+08:00

:: musings from the ivory tower - pls don't get freaked out by me ::

why do men get attracted to women and vice versa? why does a male marry a female? issit some kind of pheremones that causes these opposite genders to 'attract' and um.. amalgamate? or issit cuz we are so deeply entrenched in our culture, history or religious backgrounds that we just accept it as a fact? why do some people feel the pressing (some not so pressing) need to find a mate, marry and reproduce? issit something inborn? then again, what determines what is inborn and what is not?

i remember watching this documentary or reading about this study that said that women get attracted to men who smell like their fathers... hmmm... so does this mean that men get attracted to women who smell like their mothers? heh.

btw, i really really hate it when people tell me,
"it's like that, i don't know why, but it's ALWAYS been like that (and thus you should just accept it)"

so many questions that i can't find answers to... or rather, that people cannot give me good answers to. so irksome.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:: announcement ::

me going to be new O&G rep. heh. but i don't want to go into O&G though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:: to-do list ::

- chk out jaci velasquez, buena vista social club, luz casal, peter cinnotti CDs
- chk out jeffery deavers for more blood, gore and mystery
- revisit childhood: chk out 'the neverending story by michael ende
- tie for hiao boy
- flats or some kind of slippers
- chk out the straw bag

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:: movie review - the little black book ::

ok, romantic comedy with a not-so-romantic ending. loved the lead actress but cannot remember who she is. haha... so insincere rite? :P

one thing i learnt from it though was:

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." --- John Lennon

worth a thought isn't it?

sometimes i make too many plans, i try to plan out how my life should be and would be... and then i miss out on all that's going around me and fail to just learn how to enjoy life...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:: Wanfen's fantastic CD ::

2005-07-31T12:51:00.000+08:00

:: Wanfen's fantastic CD ::

dammit, i am in such a sentimental mood these few days... argh... why do i keep getting reminders of parts of my life in the past few years!!!

Thanks Wanfen! for the CD! oh manz, it was sooo good, it made me abandon my patho report and dance around the room... (but then there isn't a lot to make me abandon that blasted report) when Celia Cruz's 'yo viviré' came on, i startled my poor sick bro by bursting into song plus an action tt wasn't unlike communists protesting... (according to him)... it is a very liberating song anywayz...

and as i listened to the cd i was so painfully, drastically, 'bittersweetly' reminded of those 2.5 glorious years of an alternate 'spanish' universe... and i miss 'gor' so much!!! though i'm happy for his 'move up', can't help thinking, we'd still be in meeting up regularly now if not for that... he keeps zooming ard one moment in france, next moment online at 4am (ie. US...) and suddenly back in sg again?! damn, issit actually possible to feel emotional attachment to >1/2 guys at the same time? aiyo.

ok now luis miguel is on... *sob sob* his songs all so sad...

:: medical musical & some other stuff ::

2005-07-30T22:17:00.000+08:00

:: medical musical & some other stuff ::

The MM was hmmm so-so lah, i can't help comparing it to huang2cheng2 (the annual play held by HCJC) and the centennary play we had in SCGS during out final year there... i still rem crying my eyes out at that play. heh. i think. but then again, it's not fair to compare medical school with scgs wat rite? we had so much time to prepare for the centennary play then, even O levels took second place! haha... ahhhh, gone are those carefree days where there were no unfriendly competition, sneaky bitchings, talking behind others' backs, the unpleasant side of life (and its people)... SCGS was such a happy lil'bubbly place... no fears, no worries, life then was a bed of roses indeed. *sob sob* miss SC so much!

PS: SANZ, MICH, OPEN HOUSE COMING SOON! WANNA GO SEE? WE JUST PRETEND WE ARE SCOUTING FOR POTENTIAL PRI SCH FOR OUR SISTERS/COUSINS/FUTURE DAUGHTERS...

kudos to Ivan for his damn cool performance, that guy's amazing, i never knew he had such hidden talents:
- drama
- singing (one of the better singers there)
- tap-dancing
- and hair that's sooo long and silky! ah jealous!

Cheok and Lynette were awfully cute... lynette reminds me of rosario (will and grace) heh heh heh...

MM was an emotionally draining event, apart from the fact that it was so drawn out and there were too many subplots in it. the complicated love triangle was neither here nor there, it wasn't well-developed enough and it didn't have an ending (i guess they wanted it that way but...) maybe they should have scrapped it all together. the evil plans to buy over the medical school? sounded a bit too YLL to me, but unfortunately we couldn't do what they did in the play... that part where they managed to make the evil person sign the agreement was rather corny. when would this ever happen in real life???

It made me think of my first year in medical school. can't remember whether i was all out to 'save the world' but it definitely isn't what i'm doing medicine for now... hmm... 'saving the world' just seems to big and too noble. i'm content to do whatever little thing i can to help those i am able to. I'm proud to be a member of the faculty and i hope to make them proud of me as well...

(sidenote: yeah lately i've done something that i'm not particularly proud of and hmmm given a chance, i'd do it differently, i hope it won't be harped upon or too widely spoken of, or i'll probably end up blah-ing again...)

but what is true is how i've changed since then.
then, i was:
- VERY shy
- VERY uncomfortable talking to any guy
- VERY boring
- VERY studious
- VERY toot
- VERY much a mugger
- VERY um... not there in the fashion sense...

now, i am:
- getting increasingly BHB
- comfortable talking to most guys
- always falling asleep
- i would like to say i am no longer a boring person, but that's sth i leave my frds to judge
- toot or not? i hope not lah...
- not so studious, my grades are proof of my 'slackness'...
- claims to be mugger, but actually not a mugger liao. haha...
- fashion sense ah, still not quite there yet

but hmm... in the light of recent events and the growth of a little green sapling that my two friends have been watering and fertilising (with much enthusiasm, sheesh!)... and a sms just a few hours ago... i've realised that... well, i have failed to really open up to anyone. sadly... it's not you guys (you all are always very supportive and encouraging) but it's just myself. i don't find it easy to 'open up'... and most times, by the time i open up to you all, it's because i've already dealt with whatever emotional entanglement that was. i don't know how easy i am to 'read' especially regarding matters concerning interpersonal relationships, but i don't think it's that easy... afterall, i tend to always appear with either one of these three emotions on my face:
- sleepiness
- irritation
- cheerfulness
i guess when i am sad, i also look cheerful, when i'm stressed i look irritated or overly chirpy... and when i'm disappointed, i look... ... still cheerful. seems like all but one has been able to see through my fake cheerful periods: afterall, it was almost a month after nico left that people actually realised he had gone... (and it was because i opened my mouth to tell them...)

oh dear, i've gone to expect too much from friends again! i cannot expect people to be the kun1 cong2 in my stomach after all... haiz...

:: cannonization ::

2005-07-27T20:40:00.000+08:00

:: 'not so pure after all' - the cannonization ::

EW just told me that the word 'canNonization' in my last blog was wrongly spelt. it ought to be canonisation, single 'n'.

therefore a much-needed ERRATA is required ->

so sorry, and um... the money goes to me.... i won't mind the halo either. heh.

haha... don't say u didn't ask to be canNonized ah...

2005-07-25T20:05:00.000+08:00

:: "ah well. thats me. heart so pure. heh." - st. stanley ::

Our 'Holiness', Stan McFairyland, officially cannonized himself as a Saint, in the garden city of Singapore, in front of his Fujitsu notebook, on Sunday, July 24. He will be known as Saint Stanley of Hougang.

He is affectionately known as st. stanley the spendid = splendid (pukes) + spendrift...

when asked what his reaction was, (apparently this reporter had made it to heaven), he replied...

"people of all wealth...have a good heart...always...donate generously to ME haha..."
"and always be kind to animals and xcbs (xia char bor)... and ants"

"always spare a thought for others...esp the poor and the spendthrift"

Bless me, and his pink shirt...
PS: i dunno if modern 'saints' wear pants? or jeans? so i opted for a blue toga... hehheh...

(shan't suan him too much since he's advocated kindness towards xcbs ie. yesh, pls donate to me as well. thank you very much. though i'm not very keen to be placed in the same line as ants. hmph.)

:: the usual suspects ::

2005-07-24T14:01:00.000+08:00

:: together, we can BEAT crime! ::

i know i am so going to get hate mail after this blog... haha.... (sigh, prob imaginary hate mail cuz pple don't read my blog.... ahhh mich!!!! ahbish)

HMV 3rd floor she was told, and when she entered she kind of knew that he would be at THAT section, just so 'him'. anyway, ya, he looked like a banana tt day, so yellow. banana with headphones on and apparently very entranced by the 'tang quartet's latest cd. the banana urged her to try listening and ya she did while removing the cd fr the cd sleeve just out of habit...

- 'eee, so ugly!' (refers to the tang bros... r they bros or sth?) and hastily places the cd back in, 'much safer to look at their back profiles'...
- 'i'm going to get this cd when i get money' or was it 'when i get cash injection'?
- 'oh la, some songs are ok... think i prefer the tango wan'
- 'haha, it's not yr type right'

blah blah blah... and both walked out of HMV and up the escalator... half way up...

'oh SHIT'
they looked down in horror at his hand... he was clutching the CD between the green bodyshop bag and my very big artfile... you'd think it was mediated...
and the banana vehemently denies any intention of thievery...

on retrospect, it was odd... halfway while the reality of what they had done began to sink in, she was vaguely aware that the banana was still insisting it wasn't premeditated. maybe he felt like even if he 'tiao4 jing4 huang2 he2 ye3 xi3 bu4 qing1 le' lolz... he probably had more conscience than her...

anyway, eventually they decided not to return the CD because they were afraid that the gateway would beep when they headed back in and then they'd get arrested for theft even when they were really trying to be honest citizens and return the CD. um... so well, being pple with brains, they removed the stick thingy for fear that it would beep when they shopped at other shops... lolz... and decided they'd better go do some kind of charity worth 22.95...

and mich says: it's because of you people that....

heh. i feel so bad. heh.

:: laughing at myself ::

2005-07-23T20:59:00.000+08:00

:: laughing at myself ::

poking fun at others is cruel but laughing at ourselves is something quite therapeutic. take a humorous stand on life and you'll be far happier....

In primary school...
all the itsy bitsy kids running around during PE... and i was one of them... we were supposed to do place our hands on the long benches and jump fr one side of the bench to the other... i took a huge jump and... um... my shoe (looks like xinying's shoes) flew out and hit the student jumping on the other bench on the head...

remember all those crushes and puppy loves we were SUPPOSED to have? i thought there was something wrong with me cuz i DID NOT have any crush apart from being obsessed over the author of the textbooks. heh. so i tried soooo hard to have a crush cos it was fashionable u know. so there was this guy (WW) who had this scary humongous stalker-like crush on me (praise the lord we got streamed to different classes!) who kept pestering me... so i tot i should say something: 'no, i don't like you because i like XYZ'. there was a huge silence and i found XYZ standing within hearing distance! *blush* and i think XYZ got a nose bleed courtesy of WW towards end of recess that day. *double blush* and i still haven't apologised after so many years.

In secondary school:
Sec one Chinese New Year Eve, we could wear home clothes... so i was wearing this very VERY flare skirt.... and i was getting my books from the cupboards and the wind was blowing.... *marilyn monroe impersonation* (and thank goodness i was in scGIRLS'school and we barely had any male teachers. (donato ferrars doesn't count)

the wonderful split! after being super not-flexible for years, i did a marvellous split on the running track after slipping on the grass! wow! i kind of rem a few classmates gathered round, not knowing to wow at the fantastic display of agility (from a non-ballerina) or to laugh at my predicament.

the 'pig' once threw the *pause, embarrassing realisation*... baton (is tt wat u call the stick for conducting?) at me and said 'you xiao char boh' why crescendo so fast and so loudly' during band practice. i'm glad percussion was far far back in the bandroom with the result that some euphonium player got hit instead. hah! *what lousy aim*

In JC...
one other super duper embarrassing and cruel incident happened but hmm it hurt too much for me to begin to laugh at it. *sob sob*

before harmonica performance, while we were all in the dressing room, my senior ting ting suddenly said: hey... i can see yr bra design... eh you like to wear this type of bra ah? .... and went on about size and cup and god-knows-what other details that i'd rather keep private.... and worse, zhanrui was just next to us! omg!!! SOOOOO EMBARRASSING!!!! i think both of us blushed till we look like someone with hot flushes due to menopause! and ting ting would NOT get the hint to STOP her really awkward questions. faint.

In medicine...
oh over in medicine, i must have morphed into some sort of magnet for embarrassing incidents and funny happenings. just two recent ones though...

Wenky and i were walking by the short cut fr the sc canteen to the library area and laughing about something... laugh laugh laugh... and he turns around and finds me still laughing but on the ground... i had stubbed my toe and tripped over the stone steps.

in the OT, laugh laugh talk talk... he turns and finds me on the floor again... damnit why am i so shuey... he walked over the SAME patch of floor and did not slip whereas i slipped and ended up in a sitting position with knees twisted anyhows... why why whyyyyyy?!?!?! so not fair!

In the future...
more embarrassing incidents are bound to come about... but i shall just try my best to laugh my way thru... ;)

:: widowed ::

2005-07-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

ooh, what an angry previous blog. my apologies. that's the result of not having a private blog to b*tch about pple. then again, after what's happened to xx, nothing can really be kept secret once it's online rite?

*hint hint* to HS... v dangerous ya know... later one day all yr deep dark secrets will be revealed!!! tadaaaaa!!!

anyway, heh, it must be this 'anger' that qi4si3 my 'husband' aka mr jiang. lolz... trust that JSJS to call me mrs jiang. dunno wanna wack him on the head with the tuning fork (i accidentally hit my mum on her head while doing Rinné's test!) or intubate him while he's still conscious. heh.

JSJS: hey mrs jiang, (question abt ENT)?
me: (answer abt ENT)... who's mr jiang?
JSJS: he is resting in the coffin.
me: chey. may he RIP...

you just never know the amount of crap that can take place on MSN. sigh.

i am angry

2005-07-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

i am angry. with a lot of things, mainly people and their attitudes. i am getting angry with myself as well, for expecting certain things from others, especially of my friends. it brings to mind what many horoscopes say of the aquarian - they have such high expectations of themselves and their friends that they end up isolating themselves in this 'ivory tower'.

i am getting tired of putting in what i put in for friends, especially certain friends whom i see as loyal/trustworthy/admirable/honourable... and so on. it just isn't worth it. you do a little extra, yet, most of them won't do the same for you. it's a tried and tested theory. so what's wrong? is my judgment of people so bad that i've wrongly classified people who weren't as good as my better friends? or am i expecting too much of them? or should i be scolding myself for expecting others to help me because i had helped them? but isn't the axiom 'do unto others what you wish others to do unto you' what we should all live by??? is it not right for me to expect a little from the friendship? if i'm not to expect anything from the friendship? i'd be far happier helping strangers then.

think i've had quite enough. no one else to depend on but myself. i've always believed this, but never thought it was all THAT cruelly true till now. cannot expect anything of anyone. in fact, i'm not going to be all that GREAT a friend these days. too tired. it's close to the final straw (for certain people), feel free to blame me for being apathetic in the future. i simply won't do anything extra for people who don't see me as a person that mattered enough for them to do something really small for me. i'll do just enough that the r/s remains at an above-civil level... too tired and disappointed to care too much. and then, care so much and get hurt in the process? definitely not worth it.

maybe you'd think i'm selfish, talking like that. erm but haha i never said i wasn't.

:: 'the tempest' ::

2005-07-18T20:18:00.001+08:00

:: 'the tempest' ::

the signs had been there the moment he entered the room... the 'haiz's and 'hehiz', the snorts (was it a snort? nvm...) and the slight flaring of the nostrils... and of course, a face that looked like a storm was gathering... the fact that he was having a bad day was really obvious, it was like a neon signboard above his head. it spelt the beginning of an ordeal for the feather-brained assistant who was trying her best to do what only an octopus could do efficiently.

the student did her best to keep out of the way... it wasn't easy, the room was soooo tiny and there were so many waste receptacles lying around like booby traps. at one point, she almost put her foot in one of them.

however, even though he was experiencing a bad-sort of hairday, he did not, i repeat, DID NOT vent his frustration on the student. in fact, he allowed her to see thru the scopes, do some physical examinations and was rather capable of 'joking' when she asked questions. his anger was only directed towards the nitty-gritty details of clinic-work that seems to literally 'bug' each and every big guy like fleas...

his ability to control that foul temper was impressive... he looks like one with a quick and possibly foul temper which is not easy to control. this makes his attempts to subdue that fire even more worth of respect.

the student also realised that she'd experienced one of the moooooost exemplary 'breaking bad news' situation. but unfortunately, i cannot blog it out here or she would

KILL ME and send my remains to CFM in view of the upcoming patho posting

oooooooooooooooooh. such violence.

:: blog of reviews ::

2005-07-17T14:43:00.000+08:00

CDS:
Mr & Mrs Smith Soundtrack:

A rather interesting and varied collection of songs, ranging from tango to alternative... big difference right?

- Mondo Bongo: the real smooth piece playing in the background whenever the couple relives their hot and fiery honeymoon dating days

- Assassin's Tango: sexy, seductive and explosive, the dance in the hotel, the first public encounter between both when they find out each others' real identities.

- You Are My Sunshine: lolz, this was cute... the well-known oldey done in Rock.

- Tainted Love: quite a unique song

The Italian - Patrizio Buanne:

- Debut CD, in the styles of Mario Frangoulis but definitely NOT as handsome and NOT as good.

- have to give him credit for trying TOO hard

- can't express himself as well in English as in Italian...

- the Italian pieces are catchy though, and 'A Man Without Love' is probably the best song in there.

- his second CD (i think he'll probably have that) should be better!

Fly Away - Corrinne May

- Jazz vocal, local singer

- she's probably the ONLY local talent i've ever thought of supporting. (er, in this case it would mean convincing erhem to get the next album if one comes out and then borrowing from him hahaha...)

- I liked 'something about you'... but i think i like 'journey' best!!!

Safe In A Crazy World - Corrinne May

- Newly released, just this year

- more catchy tunes, faster, more upbeat

- unfortunately one song sounds like one of those national day songs... eh, i hope she doesn't have anymore of those coming up.

- 'Free' is rather interesting... especially the phrase - 'six degrees of separation' haha...

*there's something really wrong with me this two days, i keep spelling six as SEX! Urgh!

- the birthday song is quite meaningful, finally something different!

- 'if i kissed you' has a catchy rhythm but the chorus is the typical one.

******************************************************************

BOOKS:
Asking for Trouble: Tales of Saffy and Amanda - Jason Hahn

Review: it's an ultimate sinful delight! Like how chocolates are usually described! I feel sooo guilty picking up the book, knowing that it is full of crap, yet funny crap, with a silver of truth here and there. And knowing that i ought to be reading corbridge instead. It's about the lives of 2 lawyers and a HR personnel (i think all educated overseas) who are single, and live together in a condo plus a dog called Pooch. The gals rave about their dates, do all the girlish stuff while Jason, strives to understand how the female brain works. Saffy is a really open-minded, talkative, jumps-from-topic-to-unassociated-topic (reminds me of myself) gal who relishes gossip and is faced with the eternal challenge of finding a future-husband. Amanda is a harvard law school graduate, armed with a few more degrees, beautiful body and a stash of high-end stylish clothes (ME jealous...) who faces the same problem. Other characters are the typical auntie singaporean - Sharyn (nice spelling!), the gay Barney (ohhhh he's sooo cute, i'd like to have such a funny frd, any of my guy frds offering to turn gay? and a 'happily-married' Karl...

******************************************************************

FILMS:

'Fantastic 4': ok, it's the -typical- not a lot of plot, cheesy lines kind of film that has been developed from comic books. Ioan Gruffudd (Reed Richards) is rather like a mu4 tou2 ren (but then again, how many guys AREN'T?) and Jessica Alba's (Sue Storm) really didn't look good in blond and her acting was AWFUL... especially her reaction when Julian McMahon (Victor von Doom) proposed. omg... McMahon however, is deliciously evil haha as usual... why does he always get to be the bad guy? (the demon in 'charmed' and the crooked plastic surgeon in 'nip/tuck). i would say only Michael Chiklis (Ben Grimms) is realistic enough. sigh. Overall though, i would grade it about similar to 'War of the Worlds'...

Between so-so plot, so-so corny jokes coupled with a story that actually has a proper beginning and ending vs a chopped up plot, couple with lame ending but fantastic cinematography... which would you choose?

'Ms Congenialty 2 - Arms & Fabulous': it was quite the letdown really. The original was well, more original (duh), hilarious and fresh. This one's a toned down version with the same structure... the same type of jokes, the same gal-gal talk, the same acting-against-the-bureau stunt, the same 'world peace' (in saccharine sweet tones) thing. even the snorts remain! aaaahhh! Plus, there aren't any cute guys inside, only an honest loser who blabbers and a donald-trump-like (almost there) boss who takes the credit for stuff he did not do.

******************************************************************

:: ENT clinic ::

2005-07-16T20:36:00.000+08:00

:: ENT clinic ::

the clinic assistant fusses around, repeatedly checking the number of each piece of equipment so that it would be 'just right for XYZ and Dr B of course.' she stocks up on the nescafé coffee powder, and locks up the rest in the overhead cupboard, 'all the fuss, have to lock up everything... don't lock up get into trouble. haizzz' she runs out of the clinic... and into the clinic and out again and in again... in a state of tethered nerves.

meanwhile, the medical student looks around curiously, inspects the special binoculars-like equipment used for inspecting the ears, 'no one else's clinic has something like this'. she notes the neatly arranged tongue depressors, thudicum speculums and mirrors... 'why's everything so perfect???' stumped, she looks around for an answer, finding none, she settles back into her comfy corner with the trusted corbridge. after 20 min of waiting for the doc, she gets a bit tired of corbridge and decides to take a closer look at the displays... and sees.... 'in appreciation of Dr B. from abc of Indonesia' and 'otolaryngo--- surgical instruction course'... and it dawns on her... 'AHHHHHH quick get out of the clinic if you want skin left on yr fats!!!'

ahh but it was too late... the eponymous Dr B. enters with a flourish and a 'welcome' before he whips open the file placed in front of him by tremulous hands... before the medical student could catch her breath, the questions came, like punches, hard and fast... very surgical in attitude. oooh.... her confidence crashed to sub zero as she struggles to drag out year 3 surgical information that had been filed into unknown depths to make way for new info... all the while thinking 'where are my synapses? where are my synapses?'

then came the thyroid nodule... 'ok, let's start examination' and Dr B. proceeds to sit down and left the way clear... it was obvious he wanted the student to do it. As she approaches with trepidation and feeling like her hands and feets were cotton balls, the patient looks at her with startlingly trusting eyes... 'oh god... i can't remember anything!' 'do not, DO NOT touch the patient!' she falters, looking at him with um.... questions in her eyes... and then she realises, oh, um... yah, prof rite, he wants a FULL examination, and proceeds to test the reflexes, pulse, for dysthyroid eye disease and so on.... after all that inspection, palpation, percussion and auscultation is over, she thought she was done... but... 'hey, we're in an ENT clinic, you haven't done the ENT examination yet?' patient looks at Dr. B and then at me... 'oh, i have to go back there to sit?' and looks at me with pity in her eyes... maybe her heart went out to me. sigh. the endless barrage of questions did not stop at physical examination, it went on to investigations and management...

ok ok she thought she was doing fine... he wasn't that mean afterall and she was learning... until...
'xyz, the referral form please...'
clinic assistant hands him the form.
'HAIZ. wrong form!'
clinic assistant grabs the form and hands him another one.
'NOT THIS! what's wrong with you? please LOOK at the form before you pass it to me?'
clinic assistant finally hands over the correct form. While Dr B. scribbles (ok, make that write, he writes rather legibly), the patient looks up at the medical student who had aptly and rapidly manoevuered herself out of firing range (ie. behind the Dr) and raises her eyebrows... the medical student offers a single eyebrow raise and a wry-i-think-i-like-to-suffer smile back. the patient nods empathetically... as she got up to leave, 'Next time please use your brain first ok...' 'yes, sorry sorry, dr' the harangued assistant replies. 'why are you so nervous today? don't be so nervous!' 'the XYZ... they're coming...'

'ROARRRRR WAT XYZ?!?! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHY YOU ARE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?' his head swings in the direction of the medical student 'TO CARE FOR PATIENTS! PATIENTS COME FIRST! £#%^ THE XYZ' his head swivels between the scared assistant and the bewildered medical student. 'NEVER FORGET WHY YOU ARE HERE... PATIENTS COME FIRST!!!'

finally, at 1215... time to leave for tutorial... the medical student heaves a sigh of relief, but on retrospect, doesn't mind doing a clinic session with Dr B. again. maybe she felt the skinning was worth it cuz she learnt, or maybe she was (oh, still is) into masochism (without the sex part).

PS: does anyone know the word for a person who likes to inflict pain/suffering on himself? (without the sex part)

:: quiz time ::

2005-07-13T20:49:00.000+08:00

:: fun-quiz ::

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. (no i do like to create conflict just for the fun of it once in a while...) Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you. (i'd like THIS to be true...)

The type of boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. (hmmm doesn't sound like the typical Aquarian... in fact, the typical Aquarian is probably more in love with the ideals a person represents rather than the person himself. yes and i think i'm guilty of that... wahaha... it's going to be hard to find such a perfect man to love? ya?)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. (i think this should be correct)

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. (still wait-ing...)

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job. (I don't like to study meh???)

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. (true, i want job stability most of all)

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. (yesh, very true)

Who is your true self:
You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust. (hmm yeah, but it's not very easy to find someone i can totally trust... hmmm got a few though... yeah... it's impt to have someone you trust to talk with... and i don't mean a bf/gf, but just a bosom friend. helps a lot!)

Try me!

:: e lil' irritating things in life ::

2005-07-12T20:01:00.000+08:00

:: the lil' irritating things in life ::

A list of all those things that irritate us daily. They might seem trivial but when you put them all together, they'll probably cause a personality Type A person to get an AMI!

1. Kids (and adults) who rush to enter the lift as soon as the doors open, without letting the people within exit...
haven't these pple taken common sense 101? how to squeeze more people into a limited space that is already filled?

2. People who stand two-by-two and hog up the escalator (especially those in the mrt) such that others in a rush can't get past them. the worse are those who hog up the entire width of the fairly wide escalator with their enormous butt / shopping bags.

3. People who walk oh-so-slowly and just block up the entire passage way.

4. Salesgirls who keep hassling you to try this and that, take a look at this and that, despite the fact that you tell them you're fine looking around on your own OR when u tell them you're looking for a skirt and they pull out racks of sHirts for you.

5. People who thrust leaflets at you despite the fact that BOTH your arms are VERY visibly loaded with items. what do they want me to do? use my mouth to hold the flyer?

6. People who blast music into their ears (with headphones) in the library... so loudly that even you, sitting 3m away is able to tell what song is playing.

7. People who use the library reference section as a place for dating...

8. Filling up forms / admin matters just because the admin people are too free and want some papers to play with. (worse if you're asked to do something totally aimless and repetitive, cuz they lost yr info or sth)

9. Commuters who refuse to move towards the back of the bus, causing others to be unable to board the bus (and end up late for work).

10. Walking towards a pair of glass doors (meaning pple on both sides can see the opposite party), which swing both ways... but the idiotic AUNTIE on the other side waits for you to push the door open then before u can enter (after all you were the one who had to drag the heavy door open rite?) she makes for the same door... SO DUH and SOOO LAZY! got no hands to open yr own door? not like the door on the other side is jammed... and whoever reaches the door and pushes it first has the right of way wat. plus it's a push, not a pull... i could pull open the door for the other party opposite, but i couldn't possibly push it open and keep it open while the auntie walks through rite? no common sense!
anyway tt's what hap to me at the library. and since i did not have extendable hands like mr fantastic, i let go of the door (i think it hit common-sense challenged auntie's back) HA, she deserved it anyway.

11. A person rushing into your toilet cubicle after you'd opened the door... whoa, like some sex maniac or super high-tide person in the making. duh. how are you going to 'relief' yourself if the person who just used the cubicle can't even get out? DUH! (i'm beginning to agree with xx that perhaps, singaporeans are dumbbells... was the the word she used? or was it dumbasses... anyway both are nouns. will do)

12. something gross happened today... oh manz... someone actively -flirted- with me in the aim of making me leave my no. down so that he or his colleagues fr xxx insurance firm in singapore could probably hound me to get a savings policy. He was lucky I was in a rather good mood today or he'd have gotten flayed like that guy at orchard! yucks! wanna puke! no. 12 goes to ALL the surveyors upon the streets (who aim to get a contact no. from passer-bys). I've had enough of all this crap. There's surveyor fatigue too!

13. Those who are politically correct to the extent that they look and sound like robots. urgh. Would like to throttle them.

FINALLY... there's a simple solution to all this irritation.

Simply... think...

"Why get angry with the mistakes others make?"

"It's not worth it, is it?"

:: Just one more... indulge me ::

2005-07-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

:: Just one more... indulge me ::

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (70%) high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic..
Orderliness (50%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.
Extraversion (53%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

trait snapshot:

rarely irritated, positive, tough, non phobic, fearless, likes the unknown, self reliant, high self control, confident, trusting, strong instincts, prudent, optimistic, willful, likes parties, prefers a specialized career, takes charge, altruistic, strong, high self concept, adventurous, practical, thoughtful

not very accurate actually...

i'm not 'rarely irritated', in fact it's rather easy to irritate me. (look out for the list of lil' irritating things in daily life). wilful? hehe... ok maybe my family will say that. likes parties? er... unless i host them. altruistic? ha no la... i'm very selfish one. :D and i'm not very thoughtful. keke... muz say sory here to all those pple i've offended by just shooting off anything i think of.

:: Locus of Control Test Results ::

2005-07-10T14:57:00.000+08:00

:: Locus of Control Test Results ::

Locus of Control Test Results

Internal Locus (61%) Individual believes that their life is defined more by their decisions and internal drive.
External Locus (39%) Individual believes that their life is defined more by genetics, environment, fate, or other external factors.

Take Free Locus of Control Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

In the 60s Psychologist Julian Rotter developed a theory called Locus of Control of Reinforcement. His theory centered around whether someone thinks their life is more influenced by external factors like fate, genetics, luck, environment (external locus of control) OR by internal factors like effort, tenacity, and free will (internal locus of control).
Your results suggest you tend to believe that internal factors like drive and free will define you more than external factors like genetics, fate, luck, and environment. Thus, you have an Internal Locus of Control

OH NOOOOOO!
i'm addicted! i can't seem to stop! manz... ARGH hypoC... thanks for the source of all these tests! lolz...

:: Career Inventory Test Results ::

2005-07-10T14:40:00.000+08:00

:: Career Inventory Test Results ::

This just goes to show how BORING i can be on a sunday...

Career Inventory Test Results
Extroversion
60%
Emotional Stability
80%
Orderliness
50%
Altruism
60%
Inquisitiveness
53%
You are an Inspirer, possible professions include - conference planner, speech pathologist, HR development trainer, ombudsman, clergy, journalist, newscaster, career counselor, housing director, character actor, marketing consultant, musician/composer, artist, information-graphics designer, human resource manager, merchandise planner, advertising account manager, dietitian/nutritionist, speech pathologist, massage therapist, editor/art director.

:: Intelligence Tests ::

2005-07-10T13:43:00.000+08:00

:: Intelligence Tests ::

ok, now i know i might get a barrage of comments by people saying i'm egoistical, self-satisfying and looking for self-praise by doing such tests. haha but heck la.

eg. you people always do this kind of tests because u need to see proof that you are clever and smart and all you are so ego.
me: wow, you are quite smart too, you are soooo right about me.
(heh heh... aka the xx technique)

Visual Pattern Fluid Intelligence Test Results
Your overall percentile is 93%.
Number Pattern Fluid Intelligence Test Results
Your overall percentile is 88%.
This was tough, my bro probably will score higher than me... he's much better spotting no. patterns. keke... headache liao. so tough!
Verbal Intelligence Test Results
Your overall percentile is 40%.
HAHA... so low! so paiseh... cannot let pple know i took E-lit. :/
Sir Francis Galton, the cousin of Charles Darwin, first popularized the notion of measurable intelligence in the late 1800s. Charles Spearman later discovered that all mental abilities tend to correlate together when statistically analyzed. He called this G. Modern researchers tend to agree that there are two kinds of intelligence, crystallized intelligence (learned knowledge) and fluid intelligence (abstract processing ability). Most non-verbal intelligence tests measure the latter. Some research suggests that fluid intelligence may correlate best to G.

:: What kind of leader are you? ::

2005-07-10T13:24:00.000+08:00

:: What kind of leader are you? ::

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

this is sad, :(
lolz i got gandhi initially, but that was dreadfully wrong... so i redid the test 2 more times and both times i got saddam... EEEEEEEEEKS!

:: "oops" Freudian-slip ::

2005-07-10T13:07:00.000+08:00

:: "oops" Freudian-slip ::

Freudian Inventory Results

Oral (53%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own.
Anal (53%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity, order and chaos, variety and selectivity.
Phallic (43%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure.
Latency (53%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests.
Genital (60%) you appear to be somewhere between a progressive/openminded and regressive/closeminded outlook on life.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

oooh looks well-balanced... i used to be a bit too 'anal' (guys, stop yr sniggering!!!)

i do know some guys are too 'orally' fixated. quite irritating...

:: The Big 5 Test ::

2005-07-10T12:17:00.000+08:00

:: The Big Five Test ::
The Big Five is the most proven personality test in the academic research community presently. It is composed of 5 factors - open-mindedness, conscientiousness, agreeableness, emotional stability, and extroversion (the factor names vary a little among authors).

Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results

Gregariousness		38%
Sociability		54%
Assertiveness		74%
Poise		62%
Leadership		62%
Provocativeness		54%
Self-Disclosure		62%
Talkativeness		50%
Group Attachment		50%
Extroversion		56%
Understanding		70%
Warmth		70%
Morality		70%
Pleasantness		58%
Empathy		70%
Cooperation		58%
Sympathy		70%
Tenderness		54%
Nurturance		54%
Accommodation		63%
Conscientiousness		70%
Efficiency		74%
Dutifulness		70%
Purposefulness		74%
Organization		78%
Cautiousness		42%
Rationality		74%
Perfectionism		70%
Planning		62%
Orderliness		68%
Stability		58%
Happiness		66%
Calmness		46%
Moderation		54%
Toughness		70%
Impulse Control		46%
Imperturbability		70%
Cool-headedness		46%
Tranquility		50%
Emotional Stability		56%
Intellect		66%
Ingenuity		70%
Reflection		78%
Competence		74%
Quickness		78%
Introspection		66%
Creativity		70%
Imagination		66%
Depth		78%
Openmindedness		71%

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

omg i score so high on those in red!

seems like i have developed a bit more 'heart' aka emotion since J2 when i took a similar test... hmmm still rem sneaking a look at the psychologist's file wahaha... don't think the surveillance cam caught me . :D

:: more updates ::

2005-07-06T23:06:00.000+08:00

:: more updates ::

hahaha... first time in my life i have a guy kneeling on one knee in front of me manz... sooooo romantic ;) like prince charming.... kekeke... shucks, just lack the ring... and it was such a memorable moment that wenky's camera was missed...

:: ophthalmic updates ::

2005-07-05T19:31:00.000+08:00

:: ophthalmic updates ::

1. i DO NOT have esotropia/convergent squint... but i do have eXophoria... as for the convergent squint-look i have at times... sigh. dr G says 'it's just the way you look'...

SIIIIGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

2. my pupil's perfectly alright... my optic disc CAN be seen even if it's undilated. nothing to do with DM k...

3. i do look like i'm from china? *heavens* NOOOOOOO
lecture with the-one-who-loves-neuro-ophthalmology was eh... ODD.

here are some choice excerpts:
"what is charity? what is the compassion that we talk of? what is the seamless machine???"
answer: north of the river south of the lake, the whole world is full of gold.

anywayz, he kept asking me 'ni ming bai mah?' pengz...

on the bright side, if i do look like i'm from china, i hope i have their complexion. kekeke... better than looking like a mandarin teacher... toot toot one. :P HAHAHAHAH....

4. my new hobby: squint at kids to see if they have strabismus. hehehe...
new clinic past time: stick out tongue and make funny monster faces at kids while standing in the neighbouring cubicle (with it's transparent dividers), out of sight of the doc, while he's doing the cover test/pupillary reflex is being tested. kekeke...

5. i am still a bit blur regarding my case study. i'm too lazy to do it! how...

6. my vision prob deteriorated from a 6/8-> 6/18 during ophthalmo?!?!?

7. ophthalmo.... zui4 gao1 jing4 jie4
Doc: hello, can u see this patient? he has got a fourth nerve palsy...
Orthoptist: sure...
20 min later...
Orthoptist: Hi Dr, this patient has a sixth nerve palsy...
Doc: so now, we know...
Orthoptist: yes, of course...

how cool is that.... hehehe.... u pple who haven't done ophthalmology won't know what i'm talking about hahaha! :D

coming up... review of CDs...

:: Film Review - 'War of the Worlds' ::

2005-07-05T17:53:00.000+08:00

:: Film Review - 'War of the Worlds' ::

It was a hazardous night out... first there was poor yx with her injured knee... and then -ALL- of us had to take the later show with seats that suxed BIG time... first row ok... i think GV's trying to earn more money by just cramming as many ppl into the cinema as possible with the result tt 5 of us were craning out necks at the screen that simply -TOWERED- over us... seats unfortunately, could not be tilted backwards. :(

on to the film!

it had a so-so beginning, not very original, kind of reminded me of one of the james bond's movies beginning... the one with oozy amoeba like creatures... funnily, in the middle of tt beginning, i had a flash of wy and her purple amoeba???

tom cruise... oh manz he's either covered with grim or sweat or shaggy fringe. so urky.

the gal with the huge huge eyes... grey irises? cool... but a hypochondriac just like K. haha... a bit withdrawn, i suddenly though tt perhaps this might be ew's future kid... hmmmm... ya maybe ew should watch this film first to decide whether she wants to start a family in the future. :P

and i would love to SMACK roby's face. that's what ray (cruise) ought to have done, punched that whiny face with his infantile mind, though he looks like he's older than wenky already...

those machines were cool, i got to get one of those lasers they use! wow! kills without blood ya know, pple just go poof into dust. reminds me of 'buffy the vampire slayer' haha...

the ending was CRAP. all those invaders just DIED cuz they didn't have immune systems to take care of the bacteria in their food ie. us??? soooooo anti-climax.

my preferred ending:
Roby DIES a TRAGIC death, Ray sees him being engulfed in flames in the explosion.
Boston gets razed to the ground though Ray's wife, her current husband and her parents survive...
the scene closing with all those machines continuing their annihilation while some kind of sad, white words scroll down the screen...

either that, or the movie gets extended by at least an hour to wrap up the death of those machines due to the tiny bacteria more believable...

:: book review - 'We The Living' by Ayn Rand

2005-07-03T19:03:00.000+08:00

:: Book Review - 'We The Living' by Ayn Rand ::

my last bk review for the hols... kinda was too take up with optic discs to blog about it...

'We The Living' was one of the first books written by Ayn Rand (upon her arrival in 'the land of the free') and it is the closest to an autobiography. Not one of her life but of her beliefs and vision for the future. Cool isn't it?

To put it simply, it's about the story of a bourgeoise Kira (what a pretty name!) Argounova in the few years right after the success of the October Revolution. It talks of the turbulent times and the uncertainty that abound every single person in the 'liberalised' city of Petrograd. The language is so real it proves that we do not need 'a picture to tell a thousand words'! Take for example, the opening paragraph:

Petrograd smelt of carbolic acid. A pinkish-gray banner that had been red, hung in the webbing of steel beams. Tall girders rose to a roof of glass panes gray as the stell with the dust and wind of many years; some of the panes were broken, pierced by forgotten shots, sharp edges gaping upon a sky gray as the glass. Under the banner hung a fringe of cobwebs; under the cobwebs - a huge railway clock with black figures on a yellow face and no hands. Under the clock, a crowd of pale faces and greasy overcoats waited for the train.

But what i admire most about the writing style is her uncanny to be able to portray a person's character simply by choosing apt words to describe the persons' physical appearance:

"Kira Argounova entered Petrograd on the threshold of a box car. She stood straight, motionless, with the graceful indifference of a traveler on a luxurious ocean liner, with an old blue suit of faded cloth, with slender, sunburned legs and no stockings. She had an old piece of plaid silk around hre neck, and short tousled hair, and a stockingcap with a bright yellow tassel. She had a calm mouth and slightly widened eyes with the defiant, enraptured, solemnly and fearfully expectant look of a warrior who is entering a strange city and is not quite sure whether he is entering it as a conqueror or a captive."

Hmmm I must attempt to learn from this. In one of my blogs to follow, I shall attempt to describe various ppl I know and perhaps u guys could guess who I'm referring to?

The other two main characters in the novel are Lev Kovalensky and Andrei Taganov. The former a bourgeoise and the latter, a communist revolutionary. Both are in love with Kira. Through the mesh of entangled relations and emotions, we're able to get a rare but realistic glimpse into life in the Soviet Union (who better to tell us but Rand, who suffered at its hands?) Apart from that, we learn how flawed the theory of communism is and how it destroys the lives and willpower to live of the people it promised to liberate from oppression and poverty.

Yet, this novel does not merely condone communist policies and thoughts, it censures those who adopt a communistic/self-sacrificing attitude towards their own life. Even in a democratic nation, you'd be surprised at how many are behaving 'like communist's in the way they live their lives...

It's hard for me to explain just what I mean...

Read this:

No one can tell men what they must live for. No one can take that right - because there are things in men, in the best of us, which are above all states, above all collectives! ... Every honest man lives for himself. Every man worth calling a man lives for himself. The one who doesn't - doesn't live at all. You canot change it. You cannot change it because that's the way man is born, alone, complete, an end in himself. No laws, no Party, no G.P.U. will ever kill that thing in man which knows how to say 'I'. You canot enslave man's mind, you can only destroy it. ... Look at those whom you allow to triumph. Deny the best in men - and see what will survive. Do we want the crippled, creeping, crawling, broken monstrosities that we're producing? Are we not castrating life in order to perpetuate it? ... What is our goal, comrades? What are we doing? Do we want to feed a starved humanity in order to let it live? Do we want to strangle its life in order to feed it?

Well, what this novel brought out in me was a strong desire to live life meaningfully and to the max. I loathe the people who do not know how to live. Those who immerse themselves in 'fun' activities such as clubbing, boozing, gambling, sleeping around, and all the other meaningless, time-wasting 'hobbies'. Do not be mistaken, I'm not saying that all men must work to their death, and spend all their free time working more... what I am exhorting all to do is to make the fullest use of their life to achieve what their potential will allow them to, to improve, to grow and to embrace life.

Sigh, it's probably the Aquarian in me... I set such high standards for myself and all around me. I'll probably be doomed to spend my life alone... Or as they said, lock myself up in an ivory tower in contemplation of such intangible values that I end up like some kind of Rapunzel.

2005-07-01T20:17:00.000+08:00

Traditional Aquarian Traits

Friendly and humanitarian

Honest and loyal

Original and inventive

Independent and intellectual

On the dark side....

Intractable and contrary

Perverse and unpredictable

Unemotional and detached

Aquarius About Your Sign...
Aquarians basically possess strong and attractive personalities. They fall into two principle types: one shy, sensitive, gentle and patient; the other exuberant, lively and exhibitionist, sometimes hiding the considerable depths of their character under a cloak of frivolity. Both types are strong willed and forceful in their different ways and have strong convictions, though as they seek truth above all things, they are usually honest enough to change their opinions, however firmly held, if evidence comes to light which persuades them that they have been mistaken. They have a breadth of vision that brings diverse factors into a whole, and can see both sides of an argument without shilly-shallying as to which side to take. Consequently they are unprejudiced and tolerant of other points of view. This is because they can see the validity of the argument, even if they do not accept it themselves. They obey the Quaker exhortation to "Be open to truth, from whatever source it comes," and are prepared to learn from everyone.
Both types are humane, frank, serious minded, genial, refined, sometimes ethereal, and idealistic, though this last quality is tempered with a sensible practicality. They are quick, active and persevering without being self-assertive, and express themselves with reason, moderation and sometimes, a dry humor.

They are nearly always intelligent, concise, clear and logical. Many are strongly imaginative and psychically intuitive, so that the Age of Aquarius, which is about to begin, is much anticipated by psychic circles as an age in which mankind will experience a great spiritual awakening. The Aquarian philosophical and spiritual bent may be dangerous in that it can drive the subjects into an ivory-tower existence where they meditate on abstractions that bear little relevance to life. On the other hand it can help the many who have scientific leanings to combine these with the Aquarian yearning for the universal recognition of the brotherhood of man, and to embark on scientific research to fulfill their philanthropic ideals of benefiting mankind. When some cause or work of this nature inspires them, they are capable of such devotion to it that they may drive themselves to the point of exhaustion and even risk injuring their health.

Both types need to retire from the world at times and to become temporary loners. They appreciate opportunities for meditation or, if they are religious, of retreats. Even in company they are fiercely independent, refusing to follow the crowd. They dislike interference by others, however helpfully intended, and will accept it only on their own terms. Normally they have good taste in drama, music and art, and are also gifted in the arts, especially drama.

In spite of the often intensely magnetic, forthcoming and open personality of the more extrovert kind of Aquarian, and of their desire to help humanity, neither type makes friends easily. They sometimes appear to condescend to others and take too little trouble to cultivate the acquaintance of people who do not particularly appeal to them. They do not give themselves easily - perhaps their judgment of human nature is too good for that - and are sometimes accounted cold. But once they decide that someone is worthy of their friendship or love, they can exert an almost hypnotic and irresistible mental attraction on them and will themselves become tenacious friends or lovers, ready to sacrifice everything for their partners and be faithful to them for life. However, they are sometimes disappointed emotionally because their own high personal ideals cause them to demand more of others than is reasonable. And if they are deceived their anger is terrible. If disillusioned, they do not forgive.

Aquarians work best in group projects, provided that they are recognized as having a leading part in them. They have a feeling of unity with nature and a desire for knowledge and truth that makes them admirable scientists, especially astronomers and natural historians. They may excel in photography, radiography, electronics - anything connected with the electrical and radio industries - aviation and everything technical. On the arts and humanities side their progressive tendencies can be expressed in writing, especially poetry, and broadcasting, or as welfare workers and teachers. Some have gifts as entertainers and make good character actors (having an ability to mimic) and musicians. The more psychic among them possess healing gifts, especially in curing the mentally sick.

Among the faults to which they are liable are fanatical eccentricity, wayward egotism, excessive detachment and an inclination to retreat from life and society, and a tendency to be extremely dogmatic in their opinions. Aquarians can be a threat to all they survey or a great boon for humanity in general. Circumstances - for example, continuous opposition to a cause they hold dear - may cause the atrophy of the openness of mind that is one of the Aquarian's most attractive traits. They may express a lack of integrity in broken promises, secretiveness or cunning. Simmering anger and resentment, rudeness or, worse, a tense, threatening silence which may suddenly burst out in eruptions of extreme temper, these are all part of the negative side of the Aquarian. This can also reveal itself in a sustained hatred for enemies that is capable of enlarging itself into a misanthropy toward the whole of mankind.

Possible Health Concerns...
As Aquarius is said to govern the legs from knees to ankles and the circulation of blood, its natives are susceptible to ailments particularly in the legs and ankles, such as cramps, and are also liable to spasmodic and nervous complaints, as well as wind, catarrh, diarrhea, dropsy, goiter and delirium tremens - so that the avoidance of alcohol is important for those Aquarians who have a taste for it.

LIKES
Fighting for Causes
Dreaming and Planning for the Future
Thinking of the Past
Good Companions
Having Fun

DISLIKES
Full of Air Promises
Excessive Loneliness
The Ordinary
Imitations
Idealistic

PROBLEMS THAT MAY ARISE FOR YOU, AND THEIR SOLUTIONS
As with all sun signs, we all have unique traits to our personalities. When these traits are suppressed, or unrealized, problems will arise. However, with astrology we can examine the problem and assess the proper solution based on the sun sign characteristics. As an Aquarius you may see things below that really strike home. Try the solution, you most likely will be amazed at the results. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the negatives below, it is because you are failing to express the positive.

Problem: Being left all alone while others enjoy the companionship you long for.

Solution: You should practice expressing your humanity by accepting people the way they are and not find too much fault in them.

Problem: You always seem to miss the boat when it comes to love.

Solution: Try letting down the mental guard that you keep on your emotions that stops you from being the self you long to be.

Problem: You always seem to miss out on the better jobs or big promotions at work.S

olution: Learn to use your positive side in teamwork and group effort, the lone wolf approach will get you nowhere.

Problem: You seem to become physically ill more than you should.

Solution: By repressing your emotions you drive the unrest deep inside where it can cost you in terms of health. Express your feelings but do it with tact.

Source: http://www.astrology-online.com/site_map.htm

:: clinics ::

2005-06-30T20:56:00.000+08:00

:: clinics ::

clinics was a huuuuuge success today! saw interesting stuff like iris rubeosis (actually it's not that obvious to see, unlike the super obvious pic in the textbk!)

iris rubeosis: blood vessels growing on the iris -> seen as tiny, thin vessels like squiggly spokes and pt has a hazy cornea cuz the cornea is hydrated (from the high pressure of fluid in the ant. chamber secondary to glaucoma) 4th stage DR liao. VA like 6/60... :S

proliferative DR: waao... all those squiggly irregular vessels in the area of the optic disc

saw about 4-5 diabetic retinopathies...

nuclear sclerosis! very clear on direct ophthalmoscope but it actually wasn't affecting the pt much, in fact, that was her GOOD eye! vision abt 6/12 still...

there was one retinal vein occlusion, unfortunately no cherry red spot. tt's only seen in the acute stage... the only thing left was the pale optic disc => optic atrophy.

branch artery occlusion... erm... didn't see a lot on the scope, just PRP (pan-retinal photocoagulation) kind of scars. BUT BUT BUT! i managed to detect a central scotoma heheheh... doc said dun have lolz... but HAVE! haha in the end it turned out that the patient AND doc had messed up left fr right which led to a weird misunderstanding. anywayz... it was cool.... but sad for the pt la...

saw someone with a capsulectomy... it was odd, damn difficult, close to impossible to see through the hole in her hole... ie. the hole in the post. capsule of the lens which is located in the pupil. haha... used slit lamp in the end!

the ophthalmo docs are SO NICE... esp the 'sailorman', dr inez, dr liwei (v pretty today, she put on eyeshadow keke), and dr red-eyes...

*the odd exchange*
dr ****: (smiles a VERY benign smile at MS)
me: (smiles back and nods head as a 'hi' since pt was there...)
dr ****: (smiles somemore, could a smile get any wider???)
me: (smiles back, facial muscles aching) hi dr ****
dr ****: hi... (smiles EVEN wider)
me: errrr...
dr ****: hmmm...
me: hur??
dr ****: you were with us yesterday? no... tuesday?
me: oh yea... in the private clinics
dr ****: (smiles some more)
me: (oh dear... er...)
at this juncture, dr red-eyes and 'sailorman' decided to confer with him over some interesting loop vesels...

NEWSFLASH!!!
i've got some strabismus... it might just be a pseudo one, since by pinching my nose bridge it disappears... however, i'm not very convinced cuz it's v hard to pinch one's nose bridge and look at one's eye at the same time... i attempted to do the cover test on myself... with the result that i ended up cross-eyed.
look out at my left pupil, it deviates medially... must compare sclera to see clearly.
no wonder i look so stupid and blur at ALL times... must be tt eye. GRRR....

Reema has a divergent leftie. keke... more obvious than mine. ;)

congrats to mr r. wenky for being the first person (in the cg) to locate my optic disc. manz, where were u other gals? i dilated BOTH pupils specially for u all.... interestingly, with dilated pupils, i managed to see more on the direct ophthalmoscope haha... i hope it's my skill improving... and not due to tt dilation. lolz...

:: blinded ::

2005-06-30T12:53:00.000+08:00

:: blinded ::

hmmm finally have some time to blog... sigh. i miss blogging. (i think) i just don't miss it as much as being evil. finally, i'm kind of free and not in a rush to do something or go somewhere... guess where? i'm at the NUH student's lounge. got to vacate it soon though. bbbs!

ok these are my LAST words before i get blinded by 'apley's gang'. haiyo my cg is still stuck in the primitive ortho ages... anyway, they're going to dilate me (my eyes... ) later and i think the evil ones will attempt to view BOTH my optic discs simultaneously!!!

haha... nvm, i'm a lao3 jiang4 at this liao. i shall sacrifice my vision for a couple of hours! lolz...

hmm now on to ophthalmology - eye la... it's a very fun AND tiring posting... siao one... stand in almost the exact same location from like 9 to 130... and then from like 2 to 530?!?! i'd rather be walking around... it's hard to stand for long periods of time, much less tiring to walk around. hmmm the place is usually rather dim... and it's the same thing for every patient... use the direct opthalmoscope on him, slit lamp, fluoroscein dye... the GAT (goldman applanation tonometer)... gets a bit sian.

the cleanest OT session for all... can be found in ophthalmo. yucks, i don't like such clean procedures... i like those like GI and open surgery... lots of blood and matter all around hahaha... tt's MY type of surgery ;)

i was rather lucky in the OT yday... instead of spending all my time looking at PHACOs, i saw 3 DIFFERENT types of surgery...

~ Cataract removal ~
Got 2 ways... the manual ECCE (extracapsular cataract extraction) and the PHACO (phacoemulsification) method. phaco is ok la... insert two pods... one has a silicon sleeve with a vacuum like thingy... so gotta break up the cataract (heard it can be VERY hard in some pple... prob the nuclear sclerosis type ba...) and then break it up to pieces <0.9mm so tt it can be sucked up and removed... also need to infuse fluid at the same time of cuz... or else i guess the anterior chamber's going to be sucked dry! haha... the cataract is broken apart via ultrasound... must be very very careful not to rupture the posterior capsule or else.... can lead to the vitreous humor extravasating into the ant. chamber... and then might get the retinal detached and so on... then got to put the anterior chamber lens instead of the intraoc. lens la... effect isn't as good.

~ Pterygium excision ~
Hehe... a pterygium is a non-neoplastic fibrovascular growth from the interpalpebral conjunctiva beneath the corneal epithelium. usually it shouldn't obscure vision and removal is mostly for cosmesis. anyway, so first do a retrobulbar block. in a retrobulbar block will see ptosis, miosis as well. so the pterygium is excised and then a piece of conjunctiva is grafted from the superior aspect and then patched over the defect and sutured in place... cool eh? (haha but not much blood to go... )

~ Vitrectomy ~
Ok, this pt had diabetic retinopathy. so in DR, all those changes.. and stuff can lead to a vitreous haemorrohage... but since vision thru the vitreous is obscured by all that blood, laser photocoagulation can't be done... which means tt they've got to go in... (sometimes the h'ge will clear in a few days... ) anyway... imagine doing a surgery for the back of the eyeball through an aperture as small as the pupil! wa... damn tough la... haha... tt's y i prefer those where u can just open up the whole 'damn' thing. so put the pod in... add on the extra lens so magnify... and put in a light pod.. and start sucking out the vitreous and blood, meanwhile there's some infusate to replace the vitreous tt's getting sucked out. vitreous humour is really interesting, imagine some gelatinous colloid structure... like with some collagen in it as well. so when all the muck is taken out... then WAAOOO nice view of the retina... (ok this one wasn't tt nice, had haemorrhages and laser scars) next, the probe is placed really close to the retina to carefully remove the rest of the h'ge... finally, we do endolaser... quite cool hehe... shoot shoot shoot... tt's the only part i like la... hehe...

ok... i feel like a flu incoming. CANNOTTTT tomorrow got BCLS! cannot fall sick la... cham!

now going to dilate me eyes meself... and look very like a pretty italian woman hahah... belladonna manz...
*pregnant pause* -> ok guys u can puke now...
ciaoz!

:: gulp! ::

2005-06-27T20:46:00.000+08:00

:: gulp! ::

tomorrow is going to be a very tough day... not sure how to handle myself in the situation, especially since ... is in a rather sensitive mood now... it's a dangerously thin line between 'keeping it light-hearted' and being flippant about the sombriety & gravity of the situation. given a choice i'd rather acknowledge the fact and look towards the future, yet i'm not sure how ready ... is for that. and even if ... were, i'm quite sure i'll utter the WRONG things... most pple who know me will probably say tt i've gotten a bit too candid for pple's taste over the years...

this is the first time i actually feel pretty hapless...

wacows... emotions are the things that make us and unmake us. if i could choose, maybe i'd rather be indifferent.

ec:: last link ::

2005-06-26T20:18:00.000+08:00

have finally taken off the last 'link' (literally)... already 6mths... gimme another 6 more to tidy up my life... don't want no 'phenomenon' happening...

hasta el momento se llega, no se puede pensar en nadie sino nada... se usa el mente para hacer las cosas, el corazón se permancerá cerrado.

:: piece of sh*t ::

2005-06-25T20:03:00.000+08:00

:: yucks. looks like a piece of semi-beautified sh*t ::

LOOK AT THIS ->

horrid manz... dunno what happened? those weird dark thingies on the left are supposed to be limes... those three circles are some odd shaped tomatoes (hmm not the usual big ones and not the cherry ones either) and tt weird stick-like object is a baby carrot... my veggies look gross... when i drew the initial outline, they were spruce and crisp but by the time i got down to drawing the details they had sorta shrunk... hmmm loss of water via transpiration. in hokkien -> poh ke liao. :( which meant i had to RE-draw.

argh and my photo-taking skills are just as bad. sigh. everything's gone SIDEWAYS...

not nice... i hope can do better next next week.

SO TIRED... on the bright side, i exerted lots of evil influence this afternoon and the result was as follows:
1 pair URS shoes and one top (my mother) haha finally she buys sth fr URS.
2 tops (ME ME ME!!! yay! and she paid for me :D)

so happy...

ok... i'm so sleepy now, i fell asleep while reading those notes on the heart. boorrrring!

tmr going to teach tuition liao, i hope hope hope that my student and i will have gd chemistry and she doesn't FIRE me!!!

:: sideways ::

2005-06-24T23:40:00.000+08:00

:: film review - SIDEWAYS ::

sideways - the evil glance i'm giving ahleong for recommending it as a superb movie...

sideways - the extra doubtful glances i'll shoot his way in the future when he gives similar advice abt films...

sideways - the position my head adopted after 30min of the show...

sideways - the posture of my body when i decided to start the second disc of the movie... ie. a bit doped liao

sideways - a film about the road trip taken by two very different men for wine tasting and the two very different women they meet...

it reminds me of foreign films... like those español ones i always watch. if this were in español, i'd like it. hmmm i think i'd prefer the book, since the characters are supposed to be more complex in there. i felt that the film didn't allow miles (the one with the beard and the divorce) enough space to develop his character. i felt his character had lots of potential. i liked maya/mia too...

hmmm....
Most quote-worthy sentence:
i'm a footprint on the window of a skyscraper, i'm a smudge of exrement on a tissue, surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage... - Miles

Funniest scene:
Stephanie whaling Jack with her handbag upon finding out that he was going to get married but had claimed to love her and even talked about settling down with her... i've always wanted to try that... the bashing up i mean... *eh, so much for violent character...*

Most entertaining scene:
Miles entering the house to retrieve Jack's wallet. There was actually a couple having sex on the bed... erm rather LOUDLY and GRAPHICALLY too... and then he grabbed the wallet which was just next to the bed and ran for his life... sort of... haha and that guy actually ran naked onto the streets after Miles!!! hahaha...

:: thursday ::

2005-06-24T17:47:00.000+08:00

:: thursday ::

thursday, our grp of 7 (tt's almost the entire ex cg) went for the vatican exhibition thingy... um... journey of life. yeaaa... actually it was rather disappointing :( think they had nicer paintings in the vatican itself. sigh. st. peter's square (Piazza di San Pietro) is a breath-taking wonder itself. but alas, they only had a puny non-imposing plaster replica at the exhibition. (it's circular, not literally square)

one of the best feeling is to twirl and twirl with flowy skirts in the centre of the square... feels so free! :D

everyone was fashionably late... except hypoC, josh and I... it's a miracle hypoC's on time, i suppose cuz it's not a school-related thingy. hehheh... the others had their usual diarrhoea, lost their way and one blur beet went to the wrong museum. i probably arrived a few min past 11, and i surged into the lobby, hoping NOT to find the entire grp already waiting for me. at that point, a grp of 2 foreigners and 3 locals SURGED up to me with this anticipatory look on their faces (i felt like a delectable pastry haha...) -> excuse me, are you the tour guide?

beethead made her arrival really cool... she was dressed just like an avid jap tourist expertly flipping pages of a really good map. boy, i think those around us thought she was a tourist until she started spouting singlish and mixing with a gang of definite singaporeans.

ooh... i have to rave a bit, i lurve yx's skirt :) :) :)
PS: reminds me a lot of the red/orange/brown one we saw later at the heeren... aaaahhhhh i want to buy that one!

erm after that had lunch, where poor EW who had missed the exhibition joined us (don't worry evil one, you didn't really miss a lot!) We went to o'briens... but first, here's a picture... it shows how infantile most of us still are... u see, we're all VERY young at hearts (despite how OLD some of us might look kekeke)

anywayz, later on we all went shopping (tt would be carrothead, beethead and celeryhead). a very unlikely trio. carrot and beet's dress sense and shoe sense clash a lot haha... but then we know wht we all like. celeryhead, being a veggie, was initially determined to find something green to match his nice green CRISP leaves... hmmm in the end, beet and carrot each bought a pair of shoes! wa... i lurve mine. :D can tell beetie had a tough time deciding between her 3 pairs! she got a skirt too! :D very pure and BRIDAL. ;)

more to follow... review of sideways, hilarious i tell u! (my review, not the film)

:: weirdo ::

2005-06-22T23:27:00.000+08:00

:: weirdo ::

finally, going to blog something more personal. it's weird isn't it? for almost two weeks i've gone on and on about cheemo theories and book reviews... as well as VERY impersonal movie reviews. hmmm... it's been fun reading like a XCB for close to three weeks... but my eyesight's fast deteriorating.
so why am i reading?
a) it's a form of escapism
b) knowledge is power and i'm a firm belief of that, though i'd like to add, knowledge is nothing if you don't use yr own brain to process it!
c) it's an excuse to do something constructive yet not as constructive as reading all the textbooks before school starts and boy am i sure, some pple have probably done all that!
d) i suddenly felt like i'd morphed into a silverworm with a voracious appetite

hmmm something occurred to me... i don't feel REAL. maybe that's y i can take a significant amount of pain/emotional pain without actually feeling it. it's like u dissociate the body from the soul. it's like, sometimes, you look into the mirror and just stare at yr own eyes, you'll gradually start to get freaked out by the face looking back at you, cuz you don't seem to 'connect' with it/recognise it as part of the REAL you.

and that's y i've always believed, the eyes are the windows to one's soul.

hmmm... i'm increasingly feeling like that:

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

and guess what, i do know a song to sing along with it! hahaha...

:: book review: 'The Prince' by Niccolò Machiavelli ::

2005-06-22T16:00:00.000+08:00

:: Book Review: 'The Prince' by Niccolò Machiavelli ::

Interesting insight: (in the form of quotations, not gonna analyse it here though. heh heh heh... )

How cities or principalities which lived under their own laws should be administered after being conquered: 'When states newly acquired as I said have been accustomed to living freely under their own laws, there are three ways to hold them securely: first, by devastating them; next, by going and living there in person; thirdly, by letting them keep their own laws, exacting tribute, and setting up an oligarchy which will keep the state friendly to you.
- it was mentioned that when a new prince takes over, he should wipe out ALL the family members of the ex-rulers... depending on the nature of governance in tt kingdom, he should then govern as suited. eg. if the people are used to freedom, then he should establish laws, tribute and so on... then there are other examples, some using settlements as the basic way of maintaining control over the area, others, require annihilation of all the people there or simply have the prince settle there.

'One must never allow disorder to continue so as to escape a war. Anyhow one does not escape: the war is merely posponed to one's disadvantage.'

'Whoever believes that with great men new services wipe out old injuries deceives himself.'

'Violence must be inflicted once for all; people will then forget what it tastes like and so be less resentful. Benefits must be conferred gradually, so in that way they will taste better. Above all, a prince must live with his subjects in such a way that no development, either favourable or adverse, makes him vary his conduct. For, when adversity brings the need for it, there is no time to inflict harm; and the favours he may confer are profitless, because they are seen as being forced, and so they earn no thanks.'

'When men receive favours from someone they expected to do them ill, they are under a greater obligation to their benefactor...'

'David offered Saul to go and fight Goliath, the Philistine champion, and Saul, to inspire him with courage, gave him his own weapons and armour. Having tried these on, David rejected them, saying that he would be unable to fight well with them and therefore he wanted to face the enemy with his sling and his knife. In short, armour belonging to someone else either drops off you or weighs you down or is too tight.'
- moral: to achieve our own ends with what we own... or what is really ours. rather than wht is bought/borrowed.

'A wise prince must observe these rules; he must never take things easy in times of peace, but rather use the latter assiduously, in order to be able to reap the profit in times of adversity. Then, when his fortunes change, he will be found ready to resist adversity.'
- yay! this is what i've always believed in.

'Men worry less about doing an injury to one who makes himself loved than to one who makes himself feared. For love is secured by a bond of gratitude which men, wretched creatures that they are, break when it is to their advantage to do so; but fear is strengthened by a dread of punishment which is always effective.'
- is tt why we've got all those fines in sg? hahaha...

'There is no doubt that a prince's greatness depends on his triumphing over difficulties and opposition. So fortune, especially when she wants to build up the greatness of a new prince, whose need to acquire standing is more pressing than that of a hereditary ruler, finds enemies for him and encourages them to take the field against him, so that he may have cause to triumph over them and ascend higher on the ladder his foes have provided. Many, therefore, believe that when he has the chance an able prince should cunningly foster some opposition to himself so that by overcoming it he can enhance his own stature.'

'A prince also wins prestige for being a true friend or a true enemy, that is, for revealing himself without any reservation in favour of one side against another. This policy is always more advantageous than neutrality. for instance, if the powers neighbouring on you come to blows, either they are such that, if one of them conquers, you will be in danger, or they are not. In either case it will always be to your advantage to declar yourself and to wage a vigorous war; because, in the first case, if you do not declare yourself you will always be at the mercy of the conqueror, much to the pleasure and satisfaction of the one who has been beaten, and you will have no justification nor any way to obtain protection or refuge. The conqueror does not want doubtful friends who do not help him when he is in difficulties; the loser repudiates you because you were unwilling to go, arms in hand, and throw in your lot with him.'
- yea i really learned something useful from this paragraph. hmm...

:: computer woes ::

2005-06-20T23:00:00.000+08:00

:: 'puter woes ::

I NEED A HUG!!! no no MAKE It HUGSSSS!!! murzz also needs a hug!!!

today, my computer could not start up. probably due to an indolent virus tt... like a cobra, decided to strike today... (ok wenky, don't go lecturing abt how a cobra might strike or the venom-ology hahaha... away, u powdered monster!!!)

ok anywayz i packed up and went to NUS com center, took no., registered, waited for 30min, only to be told, 'oh your computer can't even be started up, i'm afraid there's nothing we can do, you have to go to the toshiba notebk centre'.

hrrmph.

took bus back to science... toshiba pple were on an ultra long lunch break (12-2.30pm leh) i rehydrated myself then went to get help. finally, they said i had to REFORMAT! walaos, always reformat reformat reformat... it's like some docs, always antibiotics antibiotics antibiotics... cheyyyy

so... i have to back up my data (normally i won't, but this time around it's especially impt becuz i had the surgical nutrition report inside) so... muz buy this USB harddisk casing...

Science co-op NO stock... the guy even told me tt only he has stock earliest cuz everyone else's stock is delayed. haha i think i was a bi guillible liao, ahleong quite smart ah... he said arts got...

took bus to arts. YAY!!! got, and a nicer one at 4 bux cheaper!!!

vroom back to toshiba at science... then... went to cofm lab to do back up... using tt harddisk usb, my own usb and the sch's comp. lousy ports they have... i had to use up to 3 computers to finally get it to work!

BUT...

erm i couldn't get the files i wanted - access denied...

rushed back to coop. time: 415pm. (they close at 430)
twiddle twiddle click click ting ting dong dong... finally worked... aiyo took like 15min to transfer permission rights thing. finally could copy liao...

tmr i'm gng back to collect it... YAY!

quote of the day: everything will be fine in the end. if it's not fine, it's not the end...

such a quote, i dunno want to thank or throttle the person lor... sounds a bit evil rite?

:: art class no. 3 - veggies galore! ::

2005-06-18T23:23:00.000+08:00

:: art class no. 3 - veggies galore! ::

my still-life seems to be getting bigger and bigger... cuz laoshi's veggies are so huge la... and i hate to shrink my drawings... after shrinking, it's so small, can't put in as much detail as can be seen in the real one. the admin pple at the school said my radishes look v fat and juicy lolz... half my sweet potato on the right got cut off... my cousin's drawings are getting smaller... she's hoping she'll then be able to complete her sketh more quickly. hehehe i propose drawing them huge, so u can cut off 2/3 of a potato and the turnip root like me.

i breathed in the prefix today. yucks! i think i can still taste it in the back of my throat. haiz. i hope it's not carcinogenic. no CFCs at least.

:: 2 film reviews ::

2005-06-18T01:58:00.000+08:00

:: 'Mr and Mrs Smith' ::

What i like about the show:
- female empowerment and having stylo-mylo big shot males like brad pitt being clumsy and lousy
- the music.... the dance scenes... bógota... the hotel... everything. ooh charged with sexual tension... hehe that's what i like about those tango-ish, salsa-ish dances... one day in the FAR future i must go learn
- ANGELINA JOLIEEEEEE! and what more can i say, she sizzles! love her lips and facial structure and legs that seem to go on forever!!!
- one of the theme songs... it keeps playing in the background... in the scenes in bógota and when the couple was having the final showdown with their bosses

What i hate about the show:
- ending a bit, no, ending VERY unrealistic
- i might wanna kill them both off together, i can think of just the right music, facial expression and appropriate flashbacks ;)
- the final scene with the couple firing at like 30 men armed with machine guns yet killing them all while remaining totally unscathed - damn fake lor....

:: les fils du vent / the great challenge :: (dun ask me y the translation is nowhere near literal)

one, two, three... say OOOOOOOH!

What i like about the film:
- i only saw 2 min of it at the vcd shop but i knew it'd be good k...
- the cinematography and the colours... wow... so rich!
- the fight scenes... they look like a dance instead of a fight
- everyone. oh manz, look at their bodies...
- the stunts...
- the FRENCH.... i can't place it... dunno whether it's cuz they speak in a different accent from what i'm accustomed to or whether they are not native speakers of french...
- the music whoa.... the music plus the fluid body movements... waaaa...

What's odd about the film:
- no one's actually french in there.... but the yakuza, jap triads, british black guys, thai AND chinese were ALL spouting francais. heh heh heh
- you dunno who is who's enemy... just all fight lah. hahaha... i think there was the yakuza and then a few jap triads and those frenchies? and a sort of neutral monk-like person who teachers 'the waaaaay'...

:: Da vinci code review ::

2005-06-16T21:13:00.000+08:00

:: Book Review - 'The Da Vinci Code' by Dan Brown ::

Breezy reading... finished damn fast compared to ayn rand la... haha it doesn't chew on yr brain cells as much. :D

Pretty cool, the codes started out still breakable until all those prose/poetry thingies came in and i got rather befuddled.

Had like Sir Teabing (hehehe such an awful name) quite a lot, ha... he's such a quirky character. but was quite disappointed in the end...

The observations made about the paintings 'Madonna on the Rocks' vs 'Virgin on the Rocks' as well as 'The Last Supper' were highly interesting and controversial of course... The story behind the MONA LISA was hmmmm a bit too insightful. heh heh.

I'm kinda lazy to blog out all of that... haha ask me if u want! i already told the story, with all the itsy bitsy details to one of my friends. :D

If anyone wants the pdf, let me know too!

I WANNA GO VISIT WESTIMINISTER ABBEY!!!!!

:: tagged ::

2005-06-15T18:29:00.000+08:00

:: tagged ::

waaaaa y sanz must come and tag me....

here goes...

6 of my current fav songs:
1. A Puro Dolor - Son by Four
2. Crash & Burn - Savage Garden
3. Enas Hartinos Ilios - Mario Frangoulis
4. Desert Rose - Sting
5. Ahum - Zuccherò
6. Semplicemente - Andrea Bocelli

Total no. of NEW books i own: on my shelves only 32 haha... so few! (excluding language and textbooks)
i borrow fr my cousin more!!! her bedroom's four walls are lined with books!
('own' means i bought with my money, or rather, the money that I the parasite have sponged off my parents...)

Last bk bought: 'We The Living' by Ayn Rand

Currently reading: 'Da Vinci Code' by Dan Brown

5 books that mean a lot to me:
1. @ 9 yrs old: In the Keep of Time (can't rem by who... too lazy to go dig it out) - entralling...
2. @ 12, 16 & 22 yrs old: Dracula by Bram Stoker - it made me into a vampire as well
3. @ 19 yrs old: Dilbert by Scott Adams - my fount of evil thoughts...
4. @ 20 yrs old: Sophie's World by Jostein Gaardner - my debutante into philosophy
5. @ 22 yrs old: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand - 'I am, therefore I think'

TAG! You're IT!
Rach, ahleong, EW, Wenky, hypoC and um... wa cows, things getting harder and harder especially since pple whom i know MAY read my blog are probably not, or have already been tagged... ok last one, Paul